I'm Fine
by lillybug991
Summary: Olivia is in a bad relationship and doesn't want to ask for help... Lucky for her she doesn't have to! Involves self-harm...
1. Chapter 1

_Sorry this chapter is so short I just didn't know if anyone would like it._

* * *

CHAPTER 1

SQUAD ROOM

It seemed like any other normal day, everybody sat at their desk, and Cragen was in his office. It was a slow day, and really quite. Olivia's computer dinged, indicating she got an e-mail, breaking the silence.

Elliot looked up at his partner who suddenly went pale.

"Liv, whats wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing, I uh, just don't feel good. Could you um tell uh captain that i needed a break? Thanks," she said and with that she walked away.

"Whats up with baby girl? She seemed scared, or was that just me?" Fin asked Elliot.

"I don't know but I have never seen Liv so spooked," Elliot said going over to her computer. "I'm gonna find out what the hell is wrong."

"You know baby girl is gonna kill you if she sees you on her computer?" Fin said.

"Well I don't really care, I wanna know whats wrong with Liv." Elliot clicked the most recently opened e-mail.

From: michael991 Cant wait to see you tonight! You better be ready! You know what you did was wrong!

"What the hell?" Elliot whispered to him self. 'What the fuck does she have to be ready for? Whats wrong with Olivia? Who is Michael?' Elliot thought.

"Hey Fin?" Elliot said.

"Yea?" Fin replied.

"Did Olivia mention that she was seeing someone to you?"

"Um, not that I can think of? Why whats wrong? I see that look on your face. What wrong with my baby girl?" Fin asked trying to figure out what was wrong with Olivia as well. He thought of her like a sister. If something was wrong with her he wanted to help.

"Whats wrong with Olivia?" Munch asked.

"Nothing, that I know of but I'm gonna find out. If captain askes where I went cover for me?" Elliot asked.

"Of course find out whats wrong with baby girl."

"Thanks," and with that he headed to the roof knowing that's where she went when she needed a break.

* * *

THE ROOF

"Fuck! Fuck," Olivia yelled at herself. "Man you really know how to pick'em. Oh man, I'm gonna be sick!" Then she threw up.

She walked over to the door of the roof and locked it, then slid down it. She wanted nothing more than to just cry, but crying is a sign of weakness. And Olivia Benson is not week! She just needs a way to relieve her pain. She slowly moved her hand to her pocket, she pulls out a piece of folded paper.

When she unfolded the piece of paper a small silver blade fell out. She had started cutting when he boyfriend started beating and raping her. She rolled up her sleeve, since she had started wearing long sleeve turtle necks, she took the tip of the blade and slowly pressed into her wrist and drug it across. Feeling the release immediately, she made three more cuts, the blood dripping off her wrist.

She pulled a kleenex out of her pocket and held it to her wrist until she was sure it was done bleeding. She stood up carefully rolled her sleeve down and was about to put the blade back in the paper when the knob on the door turned.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

THE ROOF

She jumped and dropped the blade. "Shit," she said getting on her hands and knees trying to find it.

"Olivia? Are you okay?" She heard Elliot ask. 'Fuck,' she thought. She stood up quickly took a deep breath put the empty piece of paper in her pocket and opened the door so fast she seen him jump. She tried to quickly walk past him but he grab her elbow.

"What," she asked. She wanted nothing more than to just walk away from this situation not knowing how it was gonna play out.

"Whats wrong with you? Are you okay?" He asked.

"Of course I'm okay. I'm fine!" She snapped. "Sorry, I'm just tried that's all." She hated to lie to him, but she is tired so that technically wasn't a lie.

"Olivia," He said as calmly as he could. The last thing he wanted was for her to run. "You are lying to me, and I want to know why."

"I'm tired! That is the goddamn truth now will you please just leave me alone," she said and started to walk away.

He grab her still sore wrist and she gasped and jumped back.

"Oh my god, Olivia I'm sorry I really didn't think I grabbed you that hard. I'm so so sorry," he hadn't meant to hurt her. "Olivia?" He asked when she didn't move or say anything.

"I'm going to catch a few winks in the cribs, I'll, uh, see you later," she said and with that she walked away and he didn't stop her.

He watched her leave. He went to close the door to the roof when he seen something reflecting the sunlight. He bent down and picked up a small silver blade? 'What the hell he thought?' "This better not be Olivia's," he said to himself.

* * *

THE SQUAD ROOM

"Hey baby girl. You okay?" Fin asked when he seen Olivia walk in the squad room and heading towards the cribs.

"God! I am fine why does everybody keep asking me that!?" She shouted. Fin and Munch shared a look and watched her headed to the cribs.

"What was that about?" Munch asked

"I don't know but something is wrong with her," Fin replied

Just then Elliot walked in and sat at his desk. Munch and Fin just looked at him and went back to work. An hour or so later Elliot went to the cribs to find out if that blade was really hers or not.

* * *

THE CRIBS

When he walked in the room it was pitch black but he could hear Olivia mumbling something. They sounded like help and stop then he heard his name followed by the word help, he didn't know if she was in trouble so he flipped on the light switch to see her. She wasn't in trouble she was having a nightmare.

"Olivia sweetie, wake up," he said touching her arm.

"Please," she said. "I'm sorry please I can't take anymore."

"Do what Liv?" He asked. "Honey its okay your safe."

"Please Mike I will do anything you want later! I promise I wont fight you either! Please I didn't mean it." She was now crying.

Elliot knew she was still asleep but he needed to wake her up from her nightmare. "Olivia," he said shaking her arm.

She woke up and crawled up to the corner of the bed. "Please don't hurt me! I said I would let

you do it!"

"Do what? Liv is your boyfriend abusing you?" he asked her. Her eyes shot open at the sound of Elliot's voice, she looked around trying to figure out where she was. Once she realized she was still at work and it was only Elliot she visibly relaxed.

"Liv? You need to talk to me whats wrong? Are you cutting your self?" He asked as calmly as he could.

"What?" She asked trying not to look him in the eye. How did he know?

"Olivia you heard me, I found this blade on the roof right after you left," he said pulling out the blade. "Is it yours?" He asked.

"I don't, what? Why would you ask me that? How dare you! I told you I was fine! Why wont you just believe me?"

"I will believe you when you tell me the truth! Damn it Olivia why didn't you tell me?" He said throwing the blade at the lockers getting angry.

"There is nothing wrong I can take care of myself!"

"Let me see you wrist!"

"No!" she shouted and started to get up but Elliot threw her on the bed and straddled her. She didn't know why she was getting turned on, this was a very serious moment. She didn't look at him she tried to push him off but he grabbed her wrists and pinned her down. She cried out in pain she didn't know it was from the bruises and cuts all over her stomach and thighs or because of her wrists.


	3. Chapter 3

_I just wanted to say thank you! I read Fan fiction all the time but I have never tries writing it... and now that I started I think I;m addicted! And I'm really sorry for the words that are spelled wrong... I'm not that great of a speller!_

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CHAPTER 3

CRIBS

* * *

"Olivia I'm going to lift up your shirt. Okay I need to know what he did to you!" He said and he slowly let go of her wrists. and started to lift her shirt. She didn't move, she just looked away. He lifted her shirt to see bruises and hand prints all over her. "Olivia, honey , why didn't you tell me?" he said not looking up from her stomach.

He seen handprints on her hips that went into her pants. He slowly slid down, straddling her feet, and started to unbutton her pants. He looked up at her to see her looking away avoiding his eyes, he unzipped her pants and started to pull them down seeing a lot more bruises and hand prints. He pulled her pants down to her knees, to see cuts all over her thighs and bruises all between her legs.

"Oh Liv," he said with tears coming to his eyes. "I'm so sorry!" He slowly leaned down and kissed her cuts.

"Olivia?" he asked.

"Hmmm?" She replied, she didn't know what to say.

"These cuts," he paused and looked at her to see her looking aways. He put his hand under her chin and made her look him in the eye. "Did you do these or did he?" He asked her.

She tried to look away but he wouldn't let her. She sucked in a deep breath and mouthed the word me. He put his hands under her shirt and lifted it over her head. The top of her breasts covered in bruises and self-inflicted scars and cuts. Her arms and wrists were covered in scars and cuts as well. He pulled her pants all the way off and pulled up so she was standing in nothing but her bra and panties.

"Oh Liv," he said. Just then the door opened and Fin, Munch, Melinda, and Cragen stood there looking at Olivia. They all gasped.

"Oh my god. Olivia!" Melinda said crying.

"Baby girl," Fin said felling like he was about to cry.

"Olivia," Cragen said. Munch just stayed quite.

Olivia had silent tears rolling down her face. She looked at everybody seeing that they were judging her.  
She grabbed her shirt, and pants and walked into the locker room. She put her cloths back on and took a deep breath. She walked over to the blade sitting in the floor in front of the lockers, picked it up then looked at all of them they havent moved or said anything else. She walked right by them, and right out of the building.

"Olivia cuts herself," Elliot stated breaking the silence.

"Are her bruises from her boyfriend?" Fin asked receiving a nod from Elliot. "Where do you think she went?" Elliot's head snapped up and his eyes went wide.

"She is going home to her boyfriend, Cap I gotta go help her!" Cragen nodded not going to say no. And with that Elliot was gone like a light!

* * *

BENSONS APT.

As soon as Olivia walked in she was slapped across the face. "Where the hell were you? You are two hours late!"

"I'm sorry," she said holding her face. "We had a case and it went over."

"You are such a goddamn liar! You were with your partner!" He yelled and punched her in her stomach. "You are a dirty slut! You need to be punished!" He grabbed her and drug her to the bed room where he already had everything set up.

He took her cloths off and she didn't do anything. Then he hand cuffed her to the bed. "Remember what I said! You say anything about this or fight me I will have my people kid your partner and his family!" She nodded showing her understanding.

He took off his pants and shirt and climbed over her. "Are you ready?" He asked She didn't move, he entered her with one quick thrust. She wanted to scream out in pain, but just laid still.

He kept moving faster and harder till he pulled out and came all over her stomach, as soon as he was dressed there was a knock on the door. "I will be right back don't move cause if that's your partner he is gonna get it." he said picking up her gun.

Her eyes widened "Wait," she whispered. "Why don't I just go out there and tell him to go away and that your now here? Please I promise I wont say anything else."

He looked at her thought about it then shook his head and left the room takeing her gun, and leaving her hand cuffed to the bed. "Who is it?" Micheal asked through the door.

"Elliot Olivia's partner," he said through clenched teeth. He knew Olivia was in trouble, he had to get her out of there. "We got a case, and its urgent we need her now." He texted Cragen asking for backup they should be there in like 10 minuets.

"Well she is sick she can't work." He said yanking the door open.

"Can I see her? Wait of course I can this isn't your place." Elliot said trying to walk past him.

"Well you can't right now we are in the middle of something sorry he said pushing Elliot out and shut the door. But Elliot was not just going to leave he just stood by the door wait for Cragen and the guys.

He locked the door and went back to the bedroom. He uncuffed her "Why is he always following you huh?

Are you screwing your partner detective?" "No I swear I'm not!" She said trying to cover herself. He threw her cloths at her.

"Get dressed slut we have to go," he said then left the room.

"Wait," she yelled putting her cloths on as she ran into the other room. "Where are we going? I can't leave.

What exactly did Elliot say?" She was starting to panic.

"I SAID GET DRESSED WE ARE LEAVING! NOT ASK ME QUESTIONS!" he slapped her so hard that she fell to the floor.

When Elliot heard something hard hit the floor he bust the door down only to see Olivia on the floor clutching her face. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" Elliot asked.

Micheal quickly punched Elliot in the face, then bolted for the door. He was running down the stairs when he ran into Cragen, Fin, and Munch. "Move!" He shouted and tried to pass him.

"Oh I don't think so," Fin said spinning him around and cuffing him.

"Olivia are you okay?" Elliot asked.

"I told you I was fine! Why can't you ever just listen to me?" she said trying as hard as she could not to cry in front of Elliot. Showing weakness was one thing, but showing it in fount of Elliot was another thing.

"Olivia, sweetie you are not fine. Please let me help you!" He said pulling her in for a hug. Thats when she broke down. Constant tears. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed.

The squad walked in and seen Olivia crying which made them want to cry this was Olivia... Badass Benson! When she seen them she quickly  
pulled herself out of his grasp and wiped her face.

"Hey guys, um, what are you doing here?" She asked trying to act like nothing as happened at all today."We just arrested Micheal," Cragen said amazed that Olivia was just going to pretend that nothing has happened.

"You did what?" She yelled at them. "Why the hell did you do that? You can't arrest him if he did nothing wrong!" She tried to run past them but they stopped her. "What?!" she asked a lot more harsher then intended.

"Olivia what does he have on you that you wont put in jail for what he has done to you?" Elliot asked from behind her. She gave him a look that said 'I don't want to talk about it'.

"I, uh, have work to do. You all need to leave. Not that I don't love seeing y'all but I'm super busy and my apartment is a wreck, so please I'll see you all at work tomorrow," she said, and with that she walked to the kitchen hoping they would just leave. Cragen, Fin, and Munch left knowing Elliot was the only on that could talk to her right now.

As soon as she heard the door close she assumed everyone left so she slid down the counter silently crying she pulled the blade out of her pocket, and took off her pants. And dug the blade into the top of her thigh, she did this about three or four times on each leg. Her hands were covered in blood that's when she started to cry loudly she just let it all out.

Elliot heard her cries get louder so he walked into the kitchen, "Oh honey," he said and grabbed a towel.

She jumped at the sound of his voice. "I thought you left, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she apologized over and over again. She flinched back when he tried to stop the bleeding.

"Liv, sweetie none of this is your fault. Please let me help you?" He asked. She shook her head. "Liv I don't wanna loose you. You have already lost a lot of blood! If you don't let me help you I will call an ambulance," he said with a kindest, stern voice. She nodded her head in defeate and he came towards her again. He put the towel on her left leg and got another one for her right, then he made her straighten her legs  
so he could put pressure on it.

"You don't have to do this, I know you haven't seen your family in weeks. Why don't you just go home, I can take care of myself anyway. God knows I've done it since I was born," she said.

"Liv I Kathy left, and no I don't want to talk about it now. She has the kids this month, and even if she didn't leave i would still be here for you! Liv I lo- care for you and I just want to help you! Please will you let me do that? I know you have taken care of your self since you were a child but you don't have to do it by yourself anymore! I'm here and if I wasnt so stupid I would have seen that you needed help, but instead I was an ass to  
you!" He said pleading with her to let him help, knowing she doesn't want it. But man, did she need it. "Now come on Liv I ran you a bath."

She looked at him weird but nodded her head. 'Did he really just about say that he loves her?' she thought to herself.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry I changed the rating because I wasn't sure how the bathroom scene would work out. But anyway thanks for the reviews they are really great!_

* * *

Chapter 4

When they both got in the bath room he turned off the water, they both started at each other for a min. Olivia was in her tank top and panties, he didn't know if he should leave her alone or not so he went to help her take off her shirt. Underneath she had a new bruise on her stomach the size of a fist.

"Olivia, this wasn't here did he do when you got home?" He asked.

"Its nothing El, really its over and done and he is gone and I'm fine. Now I just want to take a bath are you going to stand in here and watch me or give me some privacy?" She asked trying hard to just make him forget out it, knowing full well that he would ask her again.

"I'll stay in here with you and give you company. Do you want me to look away while you undress and act like you fine?"He asked he knew pushing her buttons to get her to confess was wrong, and she would be pissed at him but he needed to know.

"You know what you ass! You wanna see all you have to do is ask!" And with that she unfastened her bra and pulled off her panties. She had bruises on her breasts the size of handprints.

"Oh Liv, I'm so sorry," he said reaching out to touch the handprints, but as soon as his hand touched her breast she jumped back, then he realized what he did was very wrong so he just pointed to the bath. "Do you want me to help you in?" He asked

"Yes," she said knowing she could pretend she was fine if she was wincing at the pain from getting in the bath tub."Please."

He carefully grabbed her arm trying not to cause her pain and led her to the bath tub, he let her sit there while he sat in the floor in front of the door watching her finally relax.

About a half an hour later she was dozing off so he got up and helped her out of the bath, he wrapped the towel around her and watched her face knowing she was in pain. He led her to the bed room and sat her on the bed.

"Do you want to try and put cloths on? I know your in pain so dont try to lie to me!" He said. She just shook her head.

He pulled the covers on her bed back and thats when he noticed the cuffs hanging from the headboard of the bed, before he could grab them she jumped up and snatched them off and threw them in the drawer beside her bed hoping he wouldn't ask any questions. But he gave her a look that said 'We are going to talk about that later.'

He finished pulling the covers back and helped her take her towel off and helped her into bed.

"I will be in the living room, please call for me if you need me!" He said, she just nodded and started dozing off.

_"Why are you always late," Micheal asked as she walked in the door._

_"What, my job doesn't actually have a schedule I told you this when you moved in," she said walking to the bedroom._

_He followed her hot on her trail, "I was thinking we could have sex tonight cause we haven't in like of month."_

_She looked at him "You i had a really bad day thanks for asking. I'm kinda drained do you think we could do it tomorrow?" she asked and walked into the bath room. _

_He followed her in there, "You i was only askeing to be nice we are having sex tonight! Now take your god damn cloths of!" He demanded and walked out and sat on the bed._

_"Excuse me?" She asked her self since he walked away. "Who the hell do you think you are telling me what to do? No we are not having sex tonight or tomorrow! I think you should leave!" He just looked at her. "LIKE NOW! GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT!" When he didn't move she walked to the living room to get her phone and call Elliot to come and help her get him out. _

_"Who the hell are you calling bitch?" He said making her jump. He has never acted this way with her before and it was scaring her._

_"None of your business since you are leaving!" She said back. She was just about to press the call button when she was hit in the back of the head with something that felt like the butt of her gun. Then everything went black._

_When she came to she was naked and handcuffed to the headboard of her bed Micheal was in his boxers at the end of her bed on her phone._

_"What the hell," she said._

_"Well well well, look who finally decided to wake up! Looks like your friend Elliot has 5 kids, and he lives in Queens and is married! Crazy how you can find a lot by a number! Haha," he started to laugh.  
_

_"What the hell!" She shouted this time. "Leave Elliot alone! He did nothing to you!"_

_"On one condition!" He said crawling on top of her. "I'll leave him alone if you do as I say!"_

_"What fuck off!" She said starting to struggle under his weight._

_"Well if that's how you feel! I have someone watching his house right now I can slowly take out his family. And leave him for last then the last thing he is gonna hear is that Olivia caused all of this! Would you really want that?" He said. She just shook her head no. "Good so are you gonna be a good girl and do as I say?"_

_She nodded and he took off his boxers she just turned her head she just turned her head, not knowing what the hell she had just agreed to. "Oh no sweetie! I wanna see those pretty eyes," he said. She didn't make an effort to do what he said till he slapped her hard across the face and thrusted in to her that's when she looked up into his eyes and screamed out in pain._

"Liv, Liv sweetie! Wake up it was only a dream! Livey" It was Elliot talking to her and shaking her.

She stopped fighting against him! She just grabbed him and pulled him down so he was almost on top of her, "Please," she said.

"Please what honey," he said trying to get up to look her in the eye, but she had a death grip on him.

"Please, don't ever leave me please!" Then she just started crying.

"Never Liv! I'm here for you! I'm never going to leave your side ever again. Do you want to tell me about what that dream was about?" He asked.

She shook her head and said "Tomorrow." He nodded and got up to leave. "Wait," she said barely above a whisper but he heard her. He turned around knowing she wasn't going to ask him to stay so he just did it.

He pulled back the blankets on the other side of her bed and pulled her close to him. "It's okay Liv, I'm here for you! For better or worse."

It was the first time in a long time that she had actually felt safe. She started to fall asleep and she slept through the night without any nightmares.

* * *

Well I'm not very good a smut but I have a friend who will help me. Do you guys think I should put up a chapter with smut in it?


	5. Chapter 5

_I'm so sorry it took me so long to update I started reading the series Hush Hush! But I'm working on the next chapter now. And again I'm sorry for the delay! And thank you for the reviews!_

* * *

CHAPTER 5 SQUAD ROOM

When Olivia woke up she thought it was all a dream and she was still in bed with Micheal but when she moved and he groaned she realized it was not Micheal but Elliot. She relaxed then realized she was naked and jumped out of the bed pulling the blanket with her.

"Liv? Are you okay?" He asked not opening his eyes. After a minute when she didn't reply he opened his eyes to see her crying silently just staring at him. "Liv? You're okay."

"Wha- what happened why am I naked? Why the hell are you in my bed? Oh my god, it wasn't a dream you guys really arrested Michael!" She said slowly backing up till he back hit the wall, then she slid down it saying "He is going to kill me! Wait! He is going to kill you! You need to get out right now! Go home to your family! I have to go and get Michael!" And with that she jumped up and ran to the bathroom and took out a bottle of Advil and took like 4 and got dressed. She came out like five minutes later, in a black long sleeve shit and Elliot could tell she had a shit ton of foundation.

"Liv what are you talking about? No one will hurt my family," he said walking over to me. "Liv we need you to tell us what he did to you so that we can put him away, that away he will never hurt you again!"

"No!" She shouted. "You just don't understand! I can't I told him I would do whatever so he doesn't hurt you or your family!" She yelled then covering her mouth realizing what she just told him, she didn't want him to know because she knew he would blame himself. And that is exactly what he did.

"You are letting him hurt you because of me? Liv I can take care of myself and my family and you know that. Why didn't you tell me? If you would have told me I would have told you that even if he wanted to he couldn't hurt my family, they aren't even here. Kathy took the kids and went to stay with her mom in Georgia, she didn't want me to see my kids for a while till I get my shit sorted out," Elliot said walking over to her and enveloping her in a hug.

"Liv no one is going to ever hurt you again if you let me help you. Now please if you wont do it for you do it for me,  
please Liv?"

"El," she said wrapping her arms around him knowing that he wasn't going to let her go till she agreed to let him help her. "I don't have time for this I really need to go and talk to Michael, please I promise when I get back I'll let you help me but I really need to do this."

"Can I come with you?"

"No El, this is something I need to do this on my own please understand that," she said and with that she pulled out of his arms and walked out of the room.

RIKERS

"Detective Olivia Benson to see Michael Volkameer," Olivia said to the officer behind the glass. He nodded and took her gun. Then Olivia walked through the gate after the guard to the cell that Michael was in.

"Olivia," he said almost sounding sincere. "You're here!" Then he got up and started walking over to her,  
she didn't know what to do she just closed her eyes and waited for him to hit her but he didn't, he just hugged her.

"Of course I did," she said not knowing how to reply.

"Why do you smell different?" He asked sniffing her hair. She didn't take a shower this morning, she probably still smells like Elliot. Then she felt it she was slapped across the face she was going to scream but there was a hand on her face. "You better not even think about making a noise!"

"I'm sorry," she mumbled against his hand. He removed his hand just a bit, enough to hear what she said.

"What was that sweetie?" He asked. She hated it when he called her that.

"I said I'm sorry." He removed his hand the rest of the way. "Good! Now, did you bring money to post my bail?" He asked.  
'Fuck' she thought. "Um Mike, I'm sorry but I can't afford it." That earned her a punch in the stomach. She didn't know what she was thinking when she came down here without the money he needed. "I'm not going to press charges or anything, they would have to let you out if they have nothing to hold on I'll just say I fell or something."

"Good girl, now give me a kiss." He started walking over to her and slapped her when she didn't make any effort to move and kiss him, he grabbed her hair and pulled her over to him. "I said give me a kiss."

She leaned forward and let him kiss her. "I'll call my captain, and tell him to drop the chargers. Okay?"

"Good, now get out and stay away from that partner of yours! I don't want to see you two together or else." She nodded her head and left.

SQUAD ROOM

When Olivia walked into the squad room every one was looking at her, she forgot to cover all her bruises "Baby girl, what are you doing here?" Fin asked.

"Ummm, where's the captain?" She asked not really wanting to talk to anyone but Cragen.

"He is in his office like always." Fin said and walked over there to the door. "Cap? Liv is here." Cragen jumped up and walked over to her.

"Liv what are you doing here?" He asked.

"Do you think we could talk in your office? Everyone is staring at me." She said and surely enough everyone was looking at them. He nodded and pulled her into his office.

"Liv you should be at home resting." He said.

"I was just with Micheal, you have to let him go im not pressing any charges or anything what so ever. And that means that you have nothing on him. So you need to let him go!" She said trying to be firm, but her voice was starting to crack.

"Olivia," he said strongly. "You need to put him away for everything he did to you. Does Elliot know that you went to see Michael?"

"What does that matter I'm a big girl. I don't need Elliot's permission. And I'm not pressing charges, and there is no way to get you to change my mind! Now let him out! I'll see you tomorrow when I come in." And then she stated walking toward his door tears springing in her eyes.

"Olivia, stop, now." He said, he walked over to her and turned her around to see that silent tears were rolling down her face. He pulled her in for a hug,

"Liv its okay to hurt, and its okay to get help. Now you need to press charges that aways we can put him away. Elliot also cares for you he wants to help you, so do we. Why wont you let us help? What does this man have on you?"  
Olivia realized that she was crying on her captains shoulder quickly gathered herself up. "Sorry about that I didn't mean to ruin your shirt, I'll get you a new one I promise."

"Thats not important, I want to know why you are letting this man go free."

"He just... Its well... I don't... Its, nothing. I need to go home to see if Elliot's there I'll see you tomorrow."

"Olivia you need to take some time off. You have been through a traumatic experience."

"I can handle this, its been going on for years just cause you notice it now means nothing." When she noticed the look on her Cragens face she quickly corrected herself. "What I mean is that I'm fine I might be a little late tomorrow but I'm fine. Now I have to go home and kick Elliot out cause we all know how stubborn he is." And with that she walked out of his office.  
When she was gone Fin and Munch came in his office. "Is she okay?" Fin asked "Is she pressing charges?" Munched asked.

"Is she going to let us help her?" Fin asked.

"Is someone staying with her? I don't think its safe to leave her home alone," Munch said.

When Fin and Munch realized that Cragen wasn't even paying attention they both said "Cap?"

"This is all my fault!" He said. "Why hadn't I noticed this? She is like a daughter to me. I should have noticed that she was being hurt, that she was hurtin her self. That she was hurting in general. What is wrong with me? All those times that she wanted to stay late after work and I sent her home to that, that, monster. Why didn't I just let her work later? Why didn't she just come and tell me?"

"Don," Munch said. " This wasn't anyones fault but Michael's, he was the one that was hurting her the one that would make her hurt herself."

"Yea, you did what you thought was best for her. You sent her home she looked tired we all noticed that but just assume it was the job. But believe me when I say none of us noticed, including Elliot. And he is very noisy and you know Liv she wouldn't asked for help if her life depended on it," Fin said.

"I guess you're right, I want you two to sit on her house and don't let anyone in except for Elliot and I. She is not pressing charges and that means he is out tonight and I want to do everything I can to keep him away from her! And try not and let her know that you are there, I don't want her getting mad, but also don't let Elliot leave! I do not want her alone at all!"

"Wait she isn't pressing charges?" Munch asked.

"No, do you understand me?"

"Yes cap, we're on it." Fin said. And with that Fin and Munch grabbed the coats and left.

BENSONS APARTMENT

"Elliot?" Olivia called out as she walked in her house.

"I'm in your bedroom," he said back he sounded like he had been crying. 'Why is he in my bedr- oh god no tell me he didn't find it' She thought running in to her bedroom. And there he was sitting on her bed with handcuffs, that still had blood on them cause she hadn't had time to clean them, and like three small tin cans full of blades a lot of band aids and empty bottles of Cyclobenzaprine, Tramadol, Clonazepam and Trazodone. 'Shit' she thought. "Liv what is all of this?" He asked knowing what all of it was, just hoping for a different answer.

"Its um, uh, hmm," she stuttered. "Why are you in my room?" She asked trying to change the subject.

"Olivia your taking drugs?" He asked.

"Technically no, they are all prescribed by doctors." She said.

"Olivia, these are all different doctors. How many are you seeing? Do they know you are taking this many pills at a time? This can not be good for you! These say one a day and they were," he paused looking at the bottle. "Refilled two weeks ago! There should be enough for a month in a half! Liv! How many are you taking?"

She just stared at him. She didn't know what to say, she turned around and walked to her bathroom and shut the door. She still had her coat on she reached in her pocket and pulled out a bottle of Clonazepam and took two. Sure the bottle said only take one every other day but if she took two at once then it worked faster and she would feel relief faster and not have the need to cut till the pills wore off.

"Liv," she heard from the other side of the door. "How could you let him do this to you make you stoop this low?" He asked. 'Fuck' she thought he is going to be home soon! She needed to get Elliot out of her apartment. She stood up and opened the door but she did it so quickly that the room started to spin when it stopped she stood there face to face with Elliot noses almost touching. She was still a little dizzy but able to see straight. She tried to look him in the eyes but her eyes were being drawn to his lips. She leaned forward just enough for her lips to graze his.

"Liv, I don't think you are thinking straight," he said. Even tho he really wanted to kiss her and maybe do a lot more he didn't think now was the best time for it or that she was even in her right mind. Olivia pulled her head back and looked him in the eyes, which was a big mistake because they were just so perfect and blue and wanted to make her melt away. She looked down at the floor.

"Oh my god," she said realizing what she had just done, Michael was going to kill her. "Wait!" she said out loud remembering that Michael was on his was home. "You need to leave right now!"

"Wait Liv its okay, I have wanted to kiss you for a long time it's just that I don't think now you are in the best state."

"No it's not about the kiss, what did you just say? Did you just say you wanted to kiss me? Wait no that's off topic, I need you to leave right now!"

"Olivia, I am not leaving you alone! Not after everything I have been finding out. The last thing you need is to be left alone."

"You don't understand," she said trying to walk past him but stumbled realizing that she should have taken two pills he would notice that somthing was off. "Oliva what did you take when you came into the bathroom?" He asked he knew he should never have even let her go in there alone.

"Nothing!" She said getting all defensive. "Like I said, I need you to leave right now Mi- moms friend is coming over. So you need to leave I will, uh, call you tomorrow." She started pushing him toward the living room when there was a knock on the door. "Damit!" She said. "You need to hide in the closet."

"Olivia what the hell going on? Your moms friends? You are such a bad liar! Who is coming over? And I'm not hiding in the closet!"

"Please if you do what I say I will answer any questions that you want please just like 30 minutes?  
Please!?"

"Fine but if I hear anything I am coming out!" And with that he walked to the closet.

"Coming!" She yelled walking to the door. She took a deep breath and opened the door.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

"Oh Fin, what are you doing here?" Olivia asked. "Wait hold that thought." Olivia walked off and toward her closet, she opened the door. "Its okay," she said into the dark closet. "It's just Fin."

Elliot stepped out with a shoe box, 'Oh shit' she thought. He looked her in the eye, "Liv why do you have a box of old empty pill containers? And why are they all prescribed to you? Liv how long has this been going on?"

"Elliot can this wait till Fin leaves?" "Fine, but we will talk about this you promised me!" And with that he walked off into the other room where Fin was waiting, Olivia was right behind him.

"So Fin sorry I cut you off. What are you doing here?" Olivia asked.

"Oh I just wanted to know if Elliot was here with you." He said trying to cover up why he was really there.

"Yes he is but he was just leaving." Olivia said walking to the kitchen.

"What?!" Fin and Elliot both asked.

"I'm not leaving!" Elliot said.

"He has to stay," Fin said then covered his mouth.

"Why do I have to stay? Not that i wasn't going to but why?" Elliot asked.

Fin excused himself and Elliot and walked back to the living room. "Elliot I want you to stay calm, Michael is out and we know that for a fact he is going to come and see Olivia and we need you inside with her. Munch and I are watching the building. You can't tell Olivia why we are here, but we are scared to leave her alone so we you to stay in here with her. She trusts you more than she does us. She went to talk to Michael today we don't know what happened but an hour later she came in the squad room and said she wasn't pressing charges, so that means we have nothing to hold him on. He should be on his way over here soon, he got out about and hour ago."

"Olivia went to see him? She told me she was going to talk to Cragen and that was it. Man, don't tell her I told you but I found lots of empty pill containers in her closet and under her bed. I really need to get her to talk to me. I wont tell her why you guys are here, but I want you to warn me when you see him okay?"

"Yes of course. Take care of Liv you know she needs help but wont ask for it." And with that Fin left.

"Liv," Elliot said walking into the kitchen to see her drinking what seemed to be a glass of water, but then he smelt it, it was vodka. "Liv you cant drink with the medicine you are taking!" He said running over to her and snatching the glass out of her hand.

"Jeesh El, it's just one drink! It's not going to hurt me." She could feel the effect that the alcohol is giving her plus with her pills she felt almost unstoppable.

"Yes it will you could die! Especially since you took more medicine then you should have! How much did you drink?"

"Oh just a little," she said walking over to him and giving him a bear hug. She leaned up and kissed him,  
once her lips touched his everything seemed to melt away. There was no Michael no medicine no alcohol there was no medician, there was just them. She felt him respond to him and sighed into the kiss. Thats when they both realized they loved each other. Olivia slid her arms up around his neck and he put his hands on her hips. And they just stood there kissing, neither had any idea of how much time had passed.

Elliot was the first to pull away he rested his forehead on hers. "Liv," he whispered. "I don't think you are in your right mind and your body is still sore. Plus you are slightly intoxicated and I know for a fact you had more than one drink I can taste the alcohol on you and its very strong.

"Wow, way to ruin a very good moment." Just then her phone beeped. She walked out of his grasp to answer it. "Hello?" She said, then she looked at the floor, thats when Elliot knew who it was. "Of course I love you, yea I would do anything for you," she said gritting her teeth. "Yes I am alone," after she said that her eyes popped open and she looked around the room. "Yes I will, okay, I love you too." Then she hung up the phone, and looked at Elliot.

"Liv who was that?" He asked, he had a good idea on who it was.

"Um, my moms friend I told you she was coming over. Now it's getting late and you probably want to get home. So, I'll see you tomorrow at work." "Liv I'm not leaving." He sated firmly.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn? Are you ever going to listen to me? I told you I am fine! Now I have company coming over tonight and I need you to leave."

"Olivia I know who is coming over."

"Yes I know, I told you."

"Michael is coming over." He looked her directly in the eyes.

"Okay so yea Michael is coming over. But Elliot he lives here. What is it going to take to get you to leave?"

"Olivia nothing you can say will get me to leave." Just then he phone beeped, it was a picture of Elliot's family, the photo was taken through a window.

"Elliot I think you need to go and check on your family," Olivia said not showing him the picture.

"Olivia my family is safe nobody knows where they even are." He seen the face she was giving him and he snatched the phone out of her hands and gasped. "Did you just get this?"

"Yes, now go I can get him to stop this but you need to leave."

"Olivia Fin and Munch are outside they are not going to let anyone in."

"Then I will be just fine but you need to go and check on your family. Okay?"

"Liv I don't want to leave you." He said hugging her.

"I will be fine, I'm always fine!" He kissed her trying to put as much passion in it as he could to let her know that he loves her. "Liv I will be back."

"Okay."

"Liv I love you!" And he kissed her again.

"I love you too. And watch out while you are down there! Now go I will be fine." He smiled at her and left.

She promised she would meet Michael at the bar down the street, and now that she knew Fin and Munch were watching the building she had to think of something. She walked to her closet to look for something to wear, that wouldn't draw attention. She pulled out a pair of black yoga pants and a dark purple tank top, and a T-Shirt hoodie from old navy that was actually Elliot's that she stole from the locker room at work. It made her feel safe, and now was the time that she needed to feel safe.

She put on makeup to cover all of her bruises and cuts on her face, then she did her make up eyeliner but not too much cause Mike hated when she wore a lot of make up. Then instead of putting on lip stick she just put on some chapstick. She grabbed her phone, and gun and walked down the stairs that led to the fire exit, she knew that they would be watching the front and not think about the fire exit because they thought it had an alarm but she knew it didn't.

She snuck out the back and walked to the bar a safe distance from where they could see her. When she got to the bar she seen him sitting in a booth she walked over and sat down beside him.

"Hey babe," she said. "Sorry it took so long."

"What were you doing."

"There are people watching my apartment I had to find a way to sneak out," she said.

"Did you bring what I told you to bring?" He asked. "Of course, but I wont give it to you unless you leave Elliot's family alone." She wasn't just going to just give him a gun.

"How do I know you are going to actually give it to me?" He asked.

"How do I know I can trust you, I mean you haven't been the most trust worthy person I know."

"Yes, of course you trust you partner Elliot." He said with a smirk. "How are you going to trust him when he is dead?"

"What," she said jumping out of her seat. "Don't you hurt him if you so much as lay a hand on him I will kill you!"

"Oh darling, why don't we go somewhere more, private," he said dropping a wad of cash on the table even tho all he did was get on beer. He headed toward the door and she followed him till they got to his car.

"Here is fine," she said, she did not want to get in the car with him.

"Show me the gun darling." He demanded.

She pulled her gun out of her waist band, she knew she wasnt suppose to just give up her weapon but this was Elliot and she knew that if his family was killed all because of her then he would hate her for the rest of his life.

"I will give it to you as soon as you tell your people to leave Elliot and his family alone," she said as firmly as she could even tho she felt like crying.

"Fine," he said then pulled out his cell phone. "I have gotten what I needed now stand down, you shall get your pay when you return." Then he ended his call and looked at her. "Are you happy now? Give me your goddamn gun!"

"No," she said.

"What the hell do you mean no you little bitch?" He stepped closer to her and grabbed her wrist, the one that was holding the gun. "I said give me the gun, NOW!" Then he tried to grab the gun out of her hand they struggled but she wasn't going to give up that easy. This man had ruined her life and most importantly he had ruined her soul and everything thing that was her. They struggled till they both hit the ground right after two gun shots had rang out.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7 STREET OUTSIDE THE BAR

"Fin, wake up! Did you hear that?" Munch asked shaking Fin trying to wake him up. "Fin! Now I heard gunshots! Get your lazy ass up."

At the mention of a gunshot Fin was wide awake. "What direction did it come from?"

"Down the street by the bar I think, do you think it has anything to do with Liv?"

"Ill go and check you stay and watch the apartment." And with that Fin jumped out of the car and took off running toward the bar. Thats when he seen people laying on the sidewalk. "Munch call a bus!" He yelled in Munches direction. He kept running toward the people laying by the car, thats when he noticed that one of the people were Liv.

"Oh god, Liv!" When he got closer he seen that Michael was laying right beside her and he was dead there was blood pouring out of his head and Olivia had blood on her stomach. "Oh shit!" He took off his coat and used it to apply pressure to her wound. "Liv can you hear me?" He heard her moan.

"Oh god Liv stay awake please stay awake! There is a bus on its way stay with me now!"

"He... was going to... kill Elliot... check on... him and his... family... im fine... go find Elliot." She said. Then she tried to sit up.

"Liv stop you are going to hurt yourself even more, just wait." Fin said trying to lay her back down on the sidewalk but she would just not have it.

"I need to help Elliot!" She started wheezing. "I can't breath."

"Liv you need to calm down you are hurting yourself. Olivia you need to breathe carefully. In,out, in, out." He started coaching her on her breathing.

"We need to help, *gasps for air* Elliot, he is in trouble *gasps again* Michael's people are going to get him, he went to check on his family in Georgia. Next time you see him tell him I said I love him." She started to drift off.

"Liv you have to stay with me, talk to me about Elliot." Fin was trying to do everything he could to keep her awake.

"Its going to be okay Fin, I'm fine..." Then she was out.

"Shit Liv, Liv you need to stay with me! Elliot is going to kill me if he knows I let you die!" He was starting to tear up. "Liv please don't die. Oh Liv you have survived so much don't let a bullet wound be the thing that kills you."

Then there were sirens in the back ground. "Fin, oh god that's Olivia." Munch said running up behind him. "Oh god Liv. Its okay now, you'll be okay now... Please stay with us." Fin said.

HOSPITAL 3 HOURS LATER

"Is there an Elliot Stabler out her?" A doctor asked.

Elliot jumped out of his seat and ran over to the doctor followed by Fin, Munch, Cragen and Melinda. "Is she awake? Is she okay? Why wont anyone tell us anything?" Elliot asked "She is awake, I was wondering any of you knew self-harmed?" The doctor asked.

"Yes, we found out a couple of days ago." Melinda replied.

"Were you aware that she self medicated?" The doctor asked next.

"Yes myself and Fin knew," Elliot replied.

"She what?" Melinda asked. "She knows how bad that is for her."

"And has she been in an abusive relationship?"

"Yes that was who shot her." Fin replied.

"And that would explain the sexual abuse then." The doctor said but when he seen everybody face he realized that nobody knew she was being raped.

"I'm sorry to be the one to deliver this news."

"Olivia was being raped and none of us noticed," Munched finally chimed in.

Everyone stood in an awkward silence, until the doctor finally spoke,"She is recovering very well I would say and she is being moved to a room of her own. You will be able to take her home in a few days you can go in and see her if you would like she is in room 248." Then he walked away.

"Uh, Cragen and Melinda, Fin and Munch, then I will go. I want to be able to take to her," Elliot said.

Everyone nodded and did as they were told. About an hour later Fin and Munch walked into the waiting room. "Hey El she wants to talk to you,  
goodnight bro. And don't let her try to come to work tomorrow, I already talked to Cap he said you don't have to come in."

"Thanks." Elliot went to her room to see her staring at the wall with tears pouring down her face.

"I really messed up El," she said finally looking at him.

"Why do you think you messed up? You were just shot, that is not your fault," he said taking a seat at the end of her bed.

"I know you know so cut the bull, the doctor told you didn't he? They all knew I could tell by the way that they all looked at me, they way they talked to me! They think this is my fault! Why did I let him do this to me? Oh my god he was shot I forgot, is he okay?" She asked her mood changing in a blink of an eye from sad and upset to scared.

"No Liv, he died," Elliot said hoping she would feel relieved. But he seen that she was even scared.

"Oh god, what have I done? I am in so much trouble. I need to go home to get some things then I will stay at the station till I can get a new address. Fuck what have I done?" She started to get up but she was in too much pain to make it that far.

"Liv, calm down talk to me why are you in trouble? He is dead," Elliot said bringing her back to the bed.

"I can't tell you, it's for your own good please just I'm tired," she turned on her side to where she wasnt facing her and he couldn't see her crying.

"Liv what the hell is going on? You need to talk to me."

"I don't want to talk now, can we do it tomorrow?"

"Liv you promised me that I could ask anything I wanted to and you would answer it, and boy do I have a lot of questions. And I get you are tired I just want to talk and when you get to tired we can stop, until tomorrow." "Fine yea whatever but I have to talk to the nurse really quick. I will be right back okay?" She grabbed her IV stand and tried to get up. "Liv sit down I will go and get the nurse," she nodded and he left the room.

'Fuck' she thought. 'I need my medicine, I need something.' She started to look around the room for anything to relieve her stress/pain. She got up, ignoring the pain, and went to the bathroom to look. She looked in the mirror, that's when she seen all the bruises that he had put on her, she all of a sudden grew up enough rage and punched glass went flying everywhere. 'Damit' she thought 'Elliot is going to freak.'

She grabbed a piece of shattered glass and went and hid it under her pillow, then she went to the bathroom and tried to pick the mess up and hide it she pulled the trash bag out of the trash can and put all the pieces of glass in there and then put the bag back in, she didn't know how to hide the fact that the mirror was gone but maybe they wont notice she thought.

She jumped when there was a knock at the door, she turned off the light first then opened the door to see Elliot and a nurse standing there. "Liv are you okay?" Elliot asked.

"Jeesh all I did was go to the bathroom, I am fine you need to calm down." Once she got comfortable in her bed she was glad to see that the nurse was young and probably didn't know much about anything. "Hey El could you go and get me a glass of water?" She asked trying to get him to leave the room. He stared at her for a minute then left the room.

"How can I help you?"

"Yes could you up my pain medicine? I'm not feeling to great," she said faking a pained face.

"Yes of course I will be right back." The she left the room to go and get the pain medicine.

"Liv I'm back," Elliot said walking back into the room. "I got your water," he said handing her the glass.

"My what? Oh water yea, thank you," she took the cup and took a sip then put it on the table beside her.

"So are you okay?" He asked. "Why did you need the nurse for?"

"Oh, I am not feeling to well so she is getting me some meds so have you seen your kids lately?" She asked trying to change the subject.

"Liv how much pain are you in?" He asked.

"Enough, so when can I go back to work?"

"You aren't going to go to work for a while. Liv on a scale of 1 to 10 what is your pain?"

"What do you mean I'm not going to go to work?"

"Liv you told me I could ask the questions."

"Fine fine... what?" Just then the nurse came in and started to mess with the IV she was just about to inject medicine when Elliot spoke up.

"Miss? Do you know what you're doing?"

"Um yes, is in pain and so I am helping her." She was about to inject the medicine again when Elliot started to talk to her again.

"Did you even read the chart? It say s you aren't allowed to give this patient medicine unless told to by the doctor. Learn to do your job I shouldn't have to tell you how to do your job!" The nurse walked over and picked up the book at the end of Olivia's bed. "Oh I am terribly sorry, I didn't know. I'm really truly so-," Elliot cut her off.

"Yea just get out before I tell your boss about your mistake." She just nodded and left.

"What the hell Elliot?"

"You are lieing about your pain! I know the doctor gave you some pain killers right before I came in here. Now its question time, Liv when did you start cutting yourself?"

"I uh, well, when Mike and I got together." She didn't want to cry but she knew he wasnt going to stop till he knew everything.

"And when did you and Mike get together?"

"I don't remember, is it hot in here or is that just me?" She started to fan herself with her hand.

"Oh god Liv are you bleeding?" She looked at him weird then realized that the hand she was fanning herself with was the one that she punched the mirror with.

"Its fine I didn't even notice it. Please don't make a big deal out of this! Dont tell anyone I will do anything, please I'm sorry Mike," she pleaded starting to cry.

"Liv, Liv look at me," he climbed in bed beside her and lifted her chin so that she was looking him in the eyes. "Nobody is going to hurt you ever again, not if I can help it! Liv I love you and I refuse to let anything happen to you ever again." Then he wrapped his arms around her, he didn't realize what he said till he felt her stiffen in his arms.

"What did you say?" She asked.

"Liv I'm sick of you not knowing how I feel about you, I know now isnt the time but Olivia Benson I love you. And I know part of the reason you hurt yourself is because you just want to be loved, well I love you Liv," he looked down to see her crying. "Oh Liv, we don't have to talk about this now."  
She nodded into his chest.

"Now let me see your hand," he said taking her hand.

"It doesn't hurt I promise and it's not that deep, I didn't mean to do it!" She started to cry again.

"Lets go wash it off in the bathroom," he said getting ready to stand up but she grabbed him and would let him move. "Liv we need to clean your hand so I can see how bad it is."

'Fuck' she thought, she couldn't let him go into the bathroom. "No please, I just want to sleep. Dont leave me. Call a nurse let her do it, just stay here with me. You are the only one that can make me feel safe, I know I'm weak but when you are here I don't feel weak. I feel safe and like that I could do anything, please just stay, her, with, me." She was pleading.

"Okay okay, Liv tell me how you hurt your hand."

"It wasnt my fault, I was mad I don't know what came over me and I just punched the mirror in the bathroom. I really didn't mean to, it just kind of happened. But don't worry I cleaned it up you don't have to."

"Olivia look at me," he said sitting up and bringing her with him. "I don't care about the mess, I would do anything for you. I just want to know if you are okay? So. Are. You. Okay?" He asked looking her in the eye hoping that she would finally tell him everything.

"I'm," she paused and just looked at him, she wanted to tell him everything the first time he raped the first time she cut herself, the first time she took a pill. The first time she realized that she loved him, but the only thing that came out was "fine. I just want to go home, I will talk to you when I am comfortable and if I talk here then I am bound to cry and someone will come in and see how week I am," she layed back down and turned so that she wasn't facing him and so he could see her crying.

"Liv you are the strongest person I know look at everything you have been through! Why did you let him put you through all of this?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," she said.

"Well you told me I could ask questions and I just want to ask a few please?"

"Fine," she said turning over they were both on their sides facing each other.

"Okay when did you and Michael get together?"

"Like two years ago," she said trying not to cry.

"That means you have been cutting yourself for at lest two years, Liv why didn't you tell me? Did you tell anyone?"

"No I didn't tell anyone and I didn't tell you because you were going through your divorce and you had a lot on your plate,me being stupid wasnt something you needed. Plus I didn't want you to see how low I have gone."

"You didn't tell me because I was in the middle of my divorce? Liv I would have done anything for you! I want you to know you can come to me whenever you need me."

"I know I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying your sorry, it's not your fault!"

"Okay I'm sor-," she caught herself before she said it.

"Liv we will continue this later I want a nurse to come and check out your hand." She nodded and he pushed the button for the nurse she came in and bandage her then left.

"Are you tired?" She nodded. "We will talk later, now get some sleep. Do you want me to stay with you?"

"Yes please! I mean if you don't have anything to do could you please," she wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in his arms, he was the only person she would ever actually trust completely.

"Liv don't do that you can just say yes, do want me to stay in the bed with you?" He asked knowing that she wasn't going to just ask.

"Would you?" She asked.

"Of course Liv," he said then climbed in the bed beside her.

They both drifted off in a peaceful sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**_I am not sure that I like this story so much anymore. But if you guys want me to continue I will... Its up to yall._**

* * *

CHAPTER 8

*One week later*

Elliot let her off the hook while she was healing. "Liv are you ready to go home?" Elliot asked but when he looked up at her she was crying. "Whats wrong?"

"I don't know if I can go back there... Maybe I should start looking for a new apartment," she said.

"If that's what you want. I will help you look," he said, and to tell the truth he didn't want her to go back to that apartment. He knew there was something that she was not telling him.

"Thanks, I guess I will stay at a hotel until I find a new place." She finished packing up all of her things getting ready to leave the hospital.

"Dont be silly, you can stay at my place," he said taking the bag in her hand cause he knew that she was still sore and he didn't want her to cause herself any pain.

"El, I don't think that is such a good thing. Didn't Kathy get really mad when she knew that you were staying at my place when you guys were fighting?"

"Liv, Kathy and I are divorced now. It doesn't matter how she feels about you staying with me. Plus if it did matter, which it doesn't, she is in Georgia she wouldn't know. Liv I don't want you staying at some crappy hotel alone."

"Oh so that's what all of this is about, you don't want me alone! Well I can do just fine on my own."

"You know that is not what I meant, Liv you are staying with me till you get a new place and that is the end of this discussion! Now let's get going, do you need anything from your place?"

"No, I don't want anything from there I want it all burned." And with that she walked out of the hospital room.

"Liv, wait up! You don't even know where your going."

"Oh, right. After you then!" She said pointing ahead of her. He chuckled at her and they walked out get a taxi.

_**STABLERS PLACE**_

"Well this is it, I know it's not much but I'm at work all day. All I do is really sleep here, do you wanna go out and get something to eat? You must be starving, hospital food sucks. And I don't really have anything here," he said as he went and sat her things down in the spare bedroom.

"No I'm okay actually, but thank you," she said sitting on the couch.

"Liv, I know you are hungry. Please eat? If you wont do it for yourself do it for me?" He asked sitting next to her on the couch.

"Fine, but I really dont want to go out in public can we just order in?" She wasn't hungry but she knew it would make him feel better if she ate so she would try, she would do anything for him.

"If thats what it will take to make you eat," he said. "What do you want Pizza, Chinese, or Italian?"

"Pizza is fine." She said looking out his window. "Wait if you want something else thats cool too I mean it is you house and your money."

"Liv, I asked you what you wanted and thats what I am going to get," he said but when he seen that didn't calm her nerves he added. "I wanted pizza anyway." She smiled and went back to looking out the window.

*15 MINUTES LATER*

ELLIOT POV:

Olivia still hasn't said anything and her plate is still got two untouched pieces of pizza. I wish she would just tell me what she is thinking, I just want to help. But she wont let me!

"Hey Liv," I said trying to get her attention. When she didn't look I tried again, "Liv?"

"Hmm?" Is all I got.

"Arent you going to at least take a bite? You haven't even touched your food yet."

"No I'm not really hungry but you can have it if you want," she said handing me the plate.

"No Liv, I got it for you. I am done eating, could you atleast try and take a bite?"

3RD PERSON POV:

"El I'm really not hungry," she said looking him in the eye hoping that he would see that she wasn't.

"You barley ate anything at the hospital, I know you are hungry and so does your body. Liv you have lost a lot of weight will you please just take a couple of bites?" He asked.

"El I have not lost a lot of weight... at least not enough," she mumbled the last part.

"Liv I heard that and you have lost a lot of weight and I dont know why you even think that you need to loose any weight, you are beautiful!" He said.

"Now take a bite of that pizza, please." She looked at him and then she took a bug bite then sat the piece of pizza back down she slowly chewed it and then swallowed. She hasn't eaten in a while she started to gag, then took off running to the bathroom.

"Shit, Liv," Elliot called running after her.

When he got to the bathroom door he seen it was closed and he heard her heaving, since she didn't have any real food in her. He tried to turn the knob but it was locked, he listen and when he heard that she was done heaving he started talking. "Liv, shit I'm sorry I didn't know it was that bad we just have to start getting you used to eating again. Open the door Liv," he didn't know what she was doing but he didn't want her alone.

"Give me a minute," he finally heard then it went silent. He put his ear to the door and heard the faint creek of his medicine cabinet being opened.

"Liv," he said in a warning tone. "Dont even think about it, now open the door!" He put his ear back against the door the hear the sound of a pill bottle, he only had simple pain relievers but she could still take more then she needs. When he heard water running he started to freak out. "Liv if you don't open this door I will break it down."

Then the water stopped running and the cabinet closed and the door swung right open.

"Geeze I said I was only going to be a minute, what is your problem?" She asked walking past him exploring his place some more. Elliot walked into the bathroom to see what she took but everything was put back to the way it was.

"Liv," he walked out walked around to the guest room but she wasn't there. "Liv?" He called out again.

"I'm in here," she called from his room.

"Liv what are you doing?" He asked when he seen her on his bed.

"Oh nothing just laying here."

"When you were in the bathroom what did you take?"

"Why do you think I took something?" She asked with a smirk. She was at the top of his bed leaning against his headboard.

"Liv I heard the mirror open then water running, and now your acting... different." He said sitting on the end of the bed.

"Oh I opened the mirror and got a tooth brush, I hope you don't mind, and I brushed my teeth."

"Thats all you did?" He asked looking her in the eye knowing that he could tell if she was lying to him. She didn't look him in the eye she played with his blanket and nodded.

"Liv, you aren't looking at me, so I know you did something else."

"Well arent you just smart and stuff." She slurred the last word, thats when he realized that he had left a bottle of jack under the sink. He took off running to the bathroom, and sure enough half the bottle was gone. "Liv," he said walking back into the bed room. "How did you know I had this under my sink?"

"Oh, please El. We are so alike! Thats where I hide my drinks that away when I go to the bathroom to get away from Michael I can have a drink or two. And let me guess you hide drinks in your bathroom for when Kathy came by to yell at you for something you would just excuse your self then go in there and have a drink." He just stared at her, she knew him to well. "See I know you silly."

"Liv we need to talk."

"Yup and now is the time cause I ain't got me no silencer! Ha! I said aint, aint aint a word and I aint gonna say it. Excpet I just said a lot of times! Any way what?" She asked laughing.

"Liv okay so you started cutting 2 years ago?"

"Hmmm yea I think thats about right, cause stupid Michael said that i need to loose weight and thats when I started to realize that I really was the size of a whale! So that night I needed a way to relieve some, uh stress, so I cut my um, wrist. Since the pills weren't working." She said hiding her eyes starting to feel her buzz wearing off.

"Liv you are not the size of a whale."

"I know that I lost a little bit of weight after that."

"Liv come here and sit by me," he said grabbing her feet and dragging her to the end of the bed. She giggled causeing him to laugh. "Liv," he said leaning over her cause she didnt wanna sit up. "You are not fat and never have been! You are beautiful and you always will be no matter what you weigh." He seen that her eyes were watering, all she did was smile and nod. "Ok now next question," he said sitting up.

"Ugh whatever," she said sitting up and wiping her eyes. She turned sideways and pulled one leg up under her so she could face him. "What is your next question."

"When did you start lying to get pills?"

"Um I don't remember. It was before Michael and I tho."  
He didnt want to say anything to upset her so he just moved on. "Okay, so why did you start taking them in the first place."

"Well," she said looking down messing with her finger nails. "I started taking them when work started to become to much for me and it helped calm my nerves. Then when I would get home and sit by myself I realized how sad I felt so I started to take more, then it became a routine and ended up taking more then I was suppose to and it made me feel... numb... and I just like... not... feeling." She looked up to see him looking at the floor. By this time her buzz had gone completely away. "See shit I shouldn't have even said anything I know you hate me and I get I'm stupid for doing it, Ill just go and pack up my crap and get out of your hair. You don't need dead weight like me to carry around." She started to get up when his hand shot out and landed on her thigh and she yelped in pain.

"Oh shit Liv I didnt mean, fuck are you okay?"

"Yea I'm fine... just a little sore," she said sitting back down.

"Liv I want to help you! You are not leaving, you are no longer taking any medicine and I will give you your antibiotics. And then no more drinking! I hate to get angry with you but you need to get better!" He said as stern as possible.

She had silent tears rolling down her face but she nodded she knew what she was doing was wrong and she needed to get better and she knew if she didn't they would probably lock her in a looney bin.

"El I am tired," she said.

"Then lets go to bed it is getting late, you can sleep in here," he said pulling back the covers.

"I dont want to kick you out of your room, El."

"Your not I am sleeping in here to, now come on get in bed."

She didn't know what to say so she just went and got into bed, she was cold now that the alcohol had worn off so she wrapped herself up in his blankets. He got in the bed from the other side, once he was settled into the bed he noticed she was shivering.

"Liv are you cold?" He asked her.

"I'm fine..." she said.

He knew she was freezing he just scooted closer and wrapped his arms around her, he could feel her bones though the her skin easily. "You are cold Liv your skin is like ice we need to get some meat on you."

She froze, and held her breath.

"Yes Liv, part of you getting better requires eating!" He sighed.

"But I am fine," she whispered.

"Liv," he said with a sigh.

But she was already asleep.

* * *

**_Yea, I dont really like it and I am not sure I will continue. Its just loosing interest to me, but if you guys want me to continue it I will. Let me know._**


	9. Chapter 9

_**Here is Chapter 9! Enjoy :)**_

* * *

_**Olivia's POV:**_

When I woke up, I didnt recognize where I was. I tried to get up when I realized there were arms around me I tried to pull out but I couldnt. I started to struggle when I still couldn't get out I elbowed whoever was holding me and when I heard their groan I knew who it was.

"Oh, shit. El, I am so sorry I forgot where I was and there were arms around me I thought I had slept with one of those sleazy guys from the bar again and he just didn't leave. Shit I am so sorry. Are you okay?" I asked lifting his shirt to see the already forming bruise that was on his stomach.

"Liv, I am fine. What were you saying about sleezy guys that you slept with? And from the bar?" He asked. I could tell that he was worried I just cant believe I said that. I just covered me mouth with my hand and turned and went to the bathroom. I didn't really asked but I am sure he won't mind if I take a shower, I turned on the shower and took off my cloths and stood in front of the mirror. Some of the bruises were healing and some of the cuts had turned into just scars, I could never get rid of those tho. I tried not to think about the medicine in his cabinet so I just went and stood in the shower, that when I started to break down.

I slid down the wall and just cried sitting under the water. I heard a knock on the door but didn't even move I just cried harder and louder.

"Liv," I heard him say through the door. "Come one Liv open the door you don't need to be alone. I am here for you."

I stood up and turned off the water then got out and stood in front of the mirror again and just looked at all the bruises on my body. I started crying again, why had I let him break me down, why had I done what I had done to myself. What was wrong with me?

"Liv, I am going to come in okay?" I heard him say on the other side of the door, I hadn't locked it I knew he would think that I was doing something I wasn't suppose to. Just then the door opened and I was still standing in front of the mirror crying I turned and looked at him to see that he had tears in his eyes.

"Do you see what I let him do to me? What I did to myself? I am so fucked up," I whispered to him.

"Liv this is not your fault! He did this to you! He is dead, he cant hurt you anymore. You just need to get over him, it gets better I promise. And I will be here to help you every step of the way. So all you have to do is let me in! Can you do that?" He asked walking over to me, I was still naked but all he did was wrap me up into a hug.

I nodded into his neck not sure what to do, he wrapped a towel around me and led me into his room. There were a pair of his boxers and one of his shirts on the bed. He dried me off I just stood there I was in a trance he was taking care of me, someone helping me! But what could I do, he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

He then helped me get dressed, when I was dressed I sat down on the end of his bed and he sat beside me. I looked up at him as if asking if now was the time for me to trust him, he just nodded. Then I started to cry, and hard, he wrapped me up in his arms and I just cried like a baby. It felt good to let it all out especially with someone I trusted.

If it weren't for him I would have ended my life and gotten it over with. But I knew that he would blame himself and I'm not sure what he would have done.

"El, I'm so sorry. I dont know what is wrong with me," I said into his chest.

"Liv, its okay cause you are trying now to get better right?" He asked I nodded. "Good now I know you don't want to talk about it but how many guys did you sleep with from the bar?" He asked I could tell he was using a soft voice as if he was unsure he should even be asking me. I told him I would trust him so that is exactly what I am going to do.

I pulled myself out of his lap and sat beside him looking at him. "Okay and from now on I am going to be completely honest with you from now on. And I am sober right now and I will answer whatever you want me to," I said looking him in the eye so he could tell that I was being honest.

"Okay Liv, how many men have you slept with?" He asked looking me in the eye.

I bit my lip but didn't break the eye contact.

**_3rd Person POV:_**

"I honestly dont know I lost count after 20," she said in a whisper.

"Why Olivia?" He asked her, he was very worried for her.

"I would go out and get drunk to forget everything that happened that day at work. Then I realized that sex was way better then the alcohol so I started sleeping around. I would get all dressed up and go to pick up guys at the bar. But nobody could you know uh get me off," she said looking at his face. He was kind of amazed that she was being this open, he let her continue. "So then one night I took home a guy with blue eyes and it just... work out. Then I started only taking home guys with blue eyes then one night Micheal was a guy I took home he started to get rough, I told him that maybe it wasn't such a good idea that I couldn't go to work tomorrow with bruises and what not so he just told me that I should start wearing more cloths to work then. I didn't know what to say to him.

"We started to fight, It got pretty bad. He tied me to the bed and raped me all night and while I was still on the bed he went through my room and seen all the pictures I had of you and me." They both smiled she did have a lot of pictures of them together in her room. "Well he started to get mad and asked who you were and I said a friend at work, but he didn't like that answer. He got on top of me again and beat the shit out of me but made sure he didn't get and bruises on my face, I still called in sick the next day tho. Soon he realized how much I cared for you so he stared threatening me with you. I did everything he wanted me to do, I didn't want you mad at me if he ever went after your family," she concluded.

"Liv, you know I would never have let anyone get my family. I wish you would have told me... I would have helped you," he said grabbing her hand and holding it.

"But I didn't need help I was fi-" she was cut off by the stare that Elliot was giving her. "What I mean is I didnt need help you did so I helped you."

"You are not fine look at you, what do you weigh 100 pounds now? Speaking of weight, what do you want to eat we can have anything you want."

"I'm not hungry," she said looking down.

"Liv, look at me," he said and she looked up at him. "You may not feel hungry but you are you are nothing but skin and bones so you are eating whether I have to hold you down and feed you like a baby, " he chuckled making her smile. "There is that beautiful smile, so what do you want to eat? I have vanilla ice cream, and there are sprinkles in the cabinet. What do you say?" He seen her eyes light up, he knew just how to make her eat whether it be junk food or food thats good for you as long as she gets something in her.

"Really you have both of them? Okay but only cause that is my favorite!" She jumped up and ran to the kitchen and sat on the counter waiting for him.

When he walked in he laughed seeing her sitting on the counter waiting.

"I need a bowel," he said stepping up to her. He was right between her legs, she held her breath and he reached behind his and grabbed a bowel then smirked when he heard her release her breath. "So Liv you wanna get the sprinkles?"

"Duh, I get to pick how much we put on right?" She asked this was the first time in a long time she was happy about eating and he knew this was her favorite snack.

"Alright, but don't over do it like you and Lizzie used to," he said laughing remember when she can over the weekend he had the kids they all had ice cream and they just dumped the whole bucket in the ice cream.

"That was a good day, how is Lizzie?" Olivia asked remembering the day and starting to feel sad again, she missed the way she used to be. She missed hanging out with Elliot and his kids.

"She is great Olivia, they are all worried about you," he said seeing her mood change.

"Wait so they know?" She asked starting to wonder what they were thinking about her now, they were going to think she was week.

"No Liv, they don't know but they know there is something wrong with you. Maybe I will see if they can come over soon. How does that sound?" He asked.

"I dont know if I really want anyone to see me, I dont even think I want to go back to work. So can I have my ice cream?" She asked quickly changing the subject.

"What?" 'How could she leave SVU' he asked himself 'SVU is her life'

"I asked if I could have my ice cream silly, so I get to pick the how much sprinkles right? You do have the rainbow ones right?" She really didn't want to talk about work.

"Yes Liv, I have your favorite ones. We dont have to talk about it now but we will talk about it later," he said handing her the sprinkles and her bowel of ice cream and a spoon.

Her eyes lit up like a little kids, he hadn't seen her look so alive in a long time.

"Can we watch a movie?" She asked and he knew exactly what she wanted to watch, it was her favorite move.

"Let me guess? Cry Baby?" He asked. Her and Lizzie would sit here for hours watching the movie eating ice cream.

"You know me so well, you know I haven't seen that movie since that night Lizzie and I watched it," she said thinking about all her good times with Lizzie. They had become really close when Elliots divorce happened every time Lizzie was upset she would come and talk to Olivia, Lizzie was 15 now and Olivia had barlet talked to her in 3 years. "That was what 3 years ago?" Olivia asked.

"Yea liv," he sighed knowing she was getting upset. "Do you want to call her? You can, she really misses you Liv. Her and Dickie you were like their best friends, Dickie even had a crush on you for a while but I told him to lay off that you are mine." He chuckled cause her to laugh.

"Oh so now you own me, huh?" She asked with a smirk on her face. He swallowed and stared at her. "Come on El, lets watch the movie," she said walking over to the couch she sat down and started at him.

"Okay," he put the movie in then sat beside her on the couch and picked up his phone and texted someone. Then he sat back and got comfortable. As soon as he was comfortable she put her feet him his lap. "What is this?" He asked jokingly, picking up her foot and starting to give her a massage.

"Mmmm El," she moaned. "That feels amazing." She sighed. She smiled when she felt his erection with her feet.

"Uh, so why is this your favorite movie?" He asked hoping to get his mind off the fact that she was moaning his name.

"Mmmm, well there is just something about a bad boy that gets to me," she said looking at him and winked.

"Umm Liv did I ever mention that I have a motorcycle?" He asked trying to impress her.

"Oh, El I would love to go for a ride some time," she knew exactly what she was doing. "I always wonder if you had it in you to drive a motorcycle."

Just then there was a knock on the door, he smiled at her. "I wonder who is here?" He asked knowing she was wondering.

"El, who did you invite? I don't think anyone should see me right now," she was starting to get worried. He just smiled. "El, you tell me who it is right now," she said standing up.

"Excuse me while I go and answer the door," he said, and with that he got up and went to the door. As soon as it opened Lizzie and Dickie both ran at Olivia and held on to her.

"Oh Liv, we have missed you so much. I would have been here for you, you could have called anytime," Lizzie said crying as she was clutching on to her.

"Yea Liv we missed you! You smell like my dad why don't you smell like that rich vanilla like you normally do?"  
Dickie asked going from sweet to a teenage boy.

"Hey guys I missed you too. I thought you were with your mom in Georgia?" She asked.

"Well we stayed at friends house last night," Lizzie said. All four of them went to the couch and sat down.

"Your in my dads cloths, dammit!" Dickie groaned. Olivia could help but laugh.

"Nothing happened Dickie," she said elbowing him.

"Oh, thank god," Dickie said sighing in relief. Elliot glared at him.

"Omg you are watching Cry Baby!" Lizzie shouted. When Lizzie seen Olivia's ice cream bowel she grabbed it and crawled up to sit in the floor in front of the t.v. Olivia grabbed a pillow and laid in front of the t.v. on her stomach her shirt sliding up so you can see some of her back side. Her and Lizzie were sucked into the t.v.

"What is it about girls that they love this movie?" Dickie asked.

"Well Olivia told me she likes it because she likes bad boys," Elliot said.

"Mmm, my kinda girl," Dickie said smirking.

"Hey, back off she is mine I told you son!" Elliot said starting to get defensive over Olivia.

"Look at her tho she is perfect tho, mmm do you see her butt? Its just so," Dicking said then he just sighed not sure how to explain how perfect her butt is.

"I know right! I'm gonna see if she will go to dinner with me tonight."

"What no way you arent to be alone with her! Thats not fair!" Dickie said getting upset that his dad was winning Olivia, he had to be his father.

"I will be alone with her tonight at dinner."

"We will see about that. Hey Liv?" Dickie called to her.

She rolled over and sat up, "Yea Dickie?"

"Well you see I am having problems with math and I was wondering if tonight you could help me with it?"  
He asked her, Elliot elbowed him.

"Well I wou-" she was cut off by Elliot.

"Liv, your busy tonight right? You said we could talk, remember?" He said to Olivia but looking at Dickie.

"Yes bu-" she was cut off by Dickie. She tapped Lizzies shoulder so she could watch them fight over Olivia too.

"Well you guys could talk tomorrow right Liv? I mean I have a test that I need to study for tonight," Dickie said looking Elliot in the eye.

"I-" but she was cut off by Elliot again.

"Well why don't her and I go and talk in my room ALONE then you guys could go and study?" He said to Dickie this time.

Olivia and Lizzie looked at eachother grabbed the movie and tip toed to the kitchen grabbed the bucket of ice cream and the sprinkles and two spoons and snuck off to Elliot's room while they argued on who got Olivia tonight.

"I don't think she wants to go to your room with you, right Liv?" Dickie said, he looked to see that her and Lizzie were both gone.

"Dammit!" They both said.

"Well I guess they are both done with us," Elliot said sighing and sitting back.

* * *

_**Well that was cute! Okay so you guys wanted me to continue here you go! I couldn't have the whole story sad,**_  
_**even depressed people have good days. I always thought that Lizzie and Olivia got along together really well,**_  
_**I also thought that Dickie crushing on Liv was cute!**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**This is short! Sorry, lol.**_

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Later that night...

"Okay so what are you doing tomorrow?" Lizzie asked Olivia. They were still in Elliot's room they were on his bed Olivia was laying on her back her head at the top of the bed and she was covering up. Lizzie had her head at the other end of the bed with her feet at the head, she was covering up with a quilt that goes at the end of the bed.

"Well actually its up to Elliot, I am kinda living with him till I get a place," Olivia said. She wasn't sure if Lizzie was able to handle all of what she was going through.

"Why aren't you staying at your apartment?" Lizzie asked, she knew there was something wrong with Liv, and she was going to find out one way or another.

"I uh," she hadn't thought of what to say to that.

"Liv, you know you can trust me don't you?" Lizzie said sitting up and looking at Olivia.

Olivia shook her head and sat up. "There are just somethings that kids don't need to know..." Olivia said sighing. When she said that she instantly regretted it seeing the face on Lizzie, she tried to take it back.

"Olivia I am not a KID! And I cant believe you of all people could think that! If you are going to tell me that you cut yourself I know! I know how that feels and its nice to know that you have someone to talk to, but you just... I cant believe you think that I am just a kid! I have been here for you and I always will but you need to realize that I am not a KID!" Lizzie said. When Lizzie seen that Olivia was crying she felt bad for snapping at her knowing that she didn't mean it, she just didn't want to talk about it.

"Shit Liv, I am sorry I didnt mean to snap at you. I just want you to understand that I am here, and I am not a kid." Lizzie said apologizing.

"I'm sorry, I didnt mean to say that you are a kid. I just don't think you are ready to know," Olivia said wiping the tears from her eyes and looked down at the blanket.

"Liv, don't do that! Look at me," when she looked up Lizzie continued. "Liv, I know that you self harm. Dad said that your clothing style had changed a lot and when I asked how he told me that you started wearing long sleeves even on hot days. I knew then that you were either in a bad relationship or you were hurting yourself, I asked dad if I could come and see you so many times but every time he told me that you looked upset to let you go home and relax. So tell me Liv, why are you hurting yourself?"

"I'm fine Liz, really," Olivia said. This whole time she had been wanting to see her but Elliot told her no. _'He was going to get it later'_ she thought.

"Olivia you may be able to lie to the whole world with that "I'm fine" look but it is sure as hell not working with me! You might even be able to trick dad into thinking that you are fine, but I know you are not!" Lizzie said.

"Okay, yes I self harm and I was in a bad relation ship. It got pretty bad he started to threaten your family when he seen how close I was to Elliot. I did every thing I could to get him to leave you guys alone, I was so scared for you guys. And I started to self harm before I started to see him, I would just do it every once in awhile when I had a bad day but then one night a case had gotten really bad and a lot of things happend so I satrted to cut daily. Then I started to self medicate then I started to drink, then I realized that I am just like my mother so I drank and drank even more, then one night I went out and started to sleep with random men at the bar then one night I just brought home the wrong guy," Olivia said with silent tears rolling down her face. "Now tell me what you meant when you said that you knew how that feels?" Olivia what wondering what the hell she was talking about.

"I uh, well during their divorce things had gotten pretty bad. We only get to see dad twice a month and other then that we have to stay with Kathy," Lizzie said, Olivia realized that she had said Kathy and not mom and was wondering why but didn't push she knew Lizzie would tell her. "Okay so one night Kathy had gotten really drunk and started to yell at everyone, and then she tried to blame you for their divorce and none of us took that we all love you to death and know that you would never do that. I mean look what you put yourself through just save our family. Well after she said that we all got onto her and everyone started to yell well when she threw her bottle and it shattered in front of me it cut my leg and I actually didn't even notice, I started chewing on my lip thanks to you," she laughed Olivia had gotten her on that habit that when she was scared or nervous, or trying not to say something. Olivia started to laugh to.

"Well she didn't like that I had started chewing on my lip she said that she had seen you do that around dad all the time she said that I act just like you and that I shouldnt even be in her house then she smacked me, everyone else had already gone up stairs so I didn't tell them. I mean, there was no need. Well after that she said that if she cant hit you she was going to hit me because I acted just like you... I never said anything and I never cried infront of her. I didnt show any weakness but, that night I had a piece of the class from her bottle and thats when I started to cut.." She said looking up at Olivia to see what she thought.

"Come to the bathroom with me," Olivia said looking at the little broken girl remembering what she was like as a child. Lizzie nodded and followed her into the bathroom. "Let me see your cuts, Liz." Lizzie was crying but but she rolled up her sleeves and had scares all on her arms. "Oh Liz some of these are fresh."

"I know and I am so sorry," Lizzie said sobbing. Olivia lifted her chin so that she was looking in her eyes.

"This," Olivia said pointing to the cuts and scars on the girls arm. "Sweetie is not your fault! Look." Olivia took off her shirt, she was standing there in her bra and Elliott's boxers, and showed Lizzie all the scares and some fresh cuts all over her body, and bruises that were healing. "I am starting to realize that none of this is our fault."

"Oh, shit. Liv, you do know that I would have helped you! Why didnt you tell me or my dad?" Lizzie said crying for Olivia now.

"Hey, dry those tears dont worry I am going to try and stop but I am going to need," she paused. "Lizzie, I need your help."

Lizzie immediately stopped crying Olivia just asked her for help. "Liv, I will do whatever it takes we will get over this! I heard on the news that Micheal was dead! He is gone now is your chance to start over, I know that everyone is worried about you. But they all love you and they will help you through this! Dont worry, I am here for you." Olivia put her shirt back on and pulled the little girl into a hug.

"Now do you think that we could sneak out so that we could go and see Kathy, I think I need to have a word with her," Olivia said.

"Are you in Badass Benson mode?" Lizzie asked knowing that Liv could tear Kathy apart.

"Oh you bet your small little but I am not come on lets go and tell your father that I am not hanging out with\  
either of them tonight, we have business to do!"


	11. Chapter 11

_**Thank you! You guys are great!**_

* * *

Olivia changed into clothes that she had at the hospital, then he and Lizzie walked into the living room to see that Dickie and Elliot were watching t.v.

"Where are you guys going?" Elliot asked seeing that Olivia changed cloths and had her purse.

"We are going to go and eat," Lizzie said calmly as she could she wasn't that great at lieing to her father, but neither was Olivia.

"Well good I was hungry we will join you," Elliot said standing up.

"Well actually," Olivia said pushing him back down on the couch. "Liz and I want to be alone, why don't you and Dickie talk out your umm _"problems",_" she didn't want them mad at each other because of their silly little crushes on her.

"We don't have any problems!" They both defended themselves.

Olivia and Lizzie exchanged a looked then "Mmmhmm" They said.

"Well whether you want to admit to your problems or not, we are still leaving and no neither of you can come!"

"Okay fine," Elliot said getting up and walking over to her. He wrapped her up in his arms then pulled back and gave her a peck on the lips. Then turned back and smirked at Dickie.

Olivia looked at Dickie to see that he was pissed, she walked over to him and gave him a hug then kissed him on the cheek. He turned bright red, so did Elliot but for a completely different reason.

"Okay, Dickie I will still help you tonight. Then we need to talk," she said walking over to the door where Lizzie stood but she turned back to them. "Elliot I will talk to later too. But fix this problem!" She said motioning between them.

And with that her and Lizzie left.

When they got outside Olivia smacked her forehead. "Fuck I don't have to keys to Elliots car! And I really dont want to go back up there," she groaned.

"Dont worry I grabbed them while they were drooling over you," Lizzie said laughing.

She took the keys from the young girl and they got in the car, once they were both in Lizzie hooked her Ipod up to the radio and Falling in Revers came on. Olivia looked at her and smiled they both loved Falling in Reverse.

It was a long long drive maybe she should have told Elliot that she was going to Georgia.

"Hey Lizzie, your dad is going to flip shit when he finds out that we are going to Georgia, I told him that we were going out to eat I will call him when we get on the plain.

"Fudge I didn't even think about that I forgot that we were in Georgia! Well anyway he will get over it should I text him that away he cant yell?" Lizzie asked knowing that her dad was going to freak out!

"Maybe that would be a good idea," Olivia knew he was going to flip shit but they were getting on the last plain to Georgia for the night so there was nothing he could do about it.

"Okay I just texted him, I said _'We might be home like 3 days late we love you talk to you later.' _Do you think he is going to freak?" Lizzie asked.

"Oh yea, but there is no way he can beat us to the airport and we are on the last flight for Georgia today so we would still get to your mothers before him. He is just going to have to get over it." Just then Olivias phone rang. "Its him should I answer it?" Lizzie nodded.

"Hey El!" She said with a cheerful voice.

_"Uh uh, where the hell are you guys going to eat that it is going to take you three days to get home?"_ It was obvious that he was very angry but she just smiled when he said _'home'_.

"Oh you know that one Mc Donalds that Lizzie loves thats in Georgia, oh hey my battery is dieing. I will call you later!" She heard him yelling into the phone but clicked it off anyway then she turned it off so he would think it was actually dead. "I think he took that well," Olivia said smiling.

"I don't think he did he is calling me, I am going to answer it." She answered her phone. "Hey daddy she said in the same cheerful voice that Olivia used.

"You sound just like her! Why are you going to Georgia?" He asked still angry.

"Well you see, uh sorry I have another call its very important it might take me awhile I will call you later. Love you daddy." She heard him say her full name then do not hang up but she did anyway then did what Olivia did and turned off the phone.

"I agree with you that went really well!" They both laughed.

"Lets do this," Lizzie said getting out of the car and walking into the airport.

***********************************EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO**************************************************

While they were on the plane Olivia booked them a room at a really nice hotel. They both slept the whole plane ride there. When they landed they went straight to the hotel.

"Maybe we should call your dad," Olivia said turning on her phone. There were 25 missed calls, 13 new voicemails, 20 text messages. _'I will read them later'_ she thought to herself.

"I guess we should, can you do it? I don't really feel like hearing him yell," Lizzie said flopping down on her bed in the room.

"Yea, I will do it right now." She dialed his number and he answered on the first ring.

"Hey El," she tried to make him happy but she doubted it would work.

_"Why are you in Georgia? Are you okay? Is Lizzie okay? What the hell is going on?! I am getting on the next plane there! You are both in so much trouble when I get to you!" He said. He was furious. _

"We are fine, dad, we just came to visit someone! Geeze! We arent that far away, we are near Kathys," she said Kathys name carefully hoping he would freak out.

"Kathy, why?" He asked, he knew something was up.

"Well," Olivia didn't want to say anything that Lizzie would get upset about.

"Olivia what are you guys doing? Kathy is going to freak out when you get there, you know she doesn't like you right? Not to upset you but..." He didn't want her to do something that was going to get her in trouble.

"Oh I am well aware, anyway we are just busy we are fine and we will be home tomorrow instead of the day after. So you dont have to come down here, and fuck is it hot here!"

"No, I am on my way right now."

"See thats the thing they don't have anymore flights to Georgia tonight and by the time you get on the plane tomorrow we would have already left. I will tell you everything that happens tomorrow I promise." She didn't need him to come down here.

"You planned this? What is going to happen? Liv what are you going to do?" He knew she was going to do something to Kathy. He needed to stop her. "Liv, you can't hurt Kathy. You will get into a lot of trouble. Why are you down there? What did she do?"

"Nothing, this has nothing to do with Kathy," she said biting her lip she was the worst liar when it came to him.

"That was a really bad lip, I can tell your biting your lip by the way you said Kathy. Now what are you going to do?"

"I am just going to talk to her I promise."

"Liv please be careful."

"I will I promise, now I have to go Lizzie and I are going to shopping for somethings."

"That didn't sound good what type of things?"

"You know a rope, some bleach, and a chainsaw," she said joking.

"Liv?" He said in a question tone.

"I was just kidding El, we left without cloths. We are just going to go shopping. I promise."

"Okay okay, call me later I love you and stay safe," he paused realizing what he said, it just came so naturally.

"Uh, yea I will."

He just sighed he didn't mean to say it but he still hope she said it back.

"And El," she said after a minute.

"Yea?"

"I love you too, no I gotta go I will talk to you tomorrow." And with that she hung up.

They both sat there smiling for a minute.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Shit! You guys I am so sorry I have been so stressed lately! I completely forgot that I all ready typed this chapter, I am going to stick with the original chapter 11. Again I am SO SO SO sorry! I deleted the chapter I had just put up! **_

* * *

When they got back from shopping they both flopped down on their beds.

"So Lizzie what would your mom be doing right about now?" Olivia asked hoping to get right down to business.

"Well she would be at the bar, or have already brought someone home," Lizzie said with a sigh.

"Your mom started to bring home random guys?" Olivia asked. She felt bad for the girl.

"Yea," Lizzie said.

They both turned to face each other.

"Well lets go what are we waiting for?" Olivia said standing up.

They both got dressed and drove to kathys. They pulled into the driveway.

"Okay, are you ready?" Olivia asked. She felt like she was facing her mother.

"Yea, come on. I have a key, we don't even have to knock," Lizzie said getting out of the car.

They both got up and went to the back door, just incase something went down they did not want to get into trouble. Lizzie carefully slipped the key into the lock and turned it. The door opened with a faint creak.

"She is upstairs I can hear someone walking around," Lizzie said.

"Okay, you go to your room and get some cloths for you. You are going to stay with your dad for a little bit. I am going upstairs to talk to your mother," Olivia said.

Lizzie nodded and they parted ways. Olivia walked up the stairs till she came to what she thought was Kathy's door. She opened it just a crack to see Kathy and her "friend" about to go at it. When she seen that Lizzie was right that she was bringing home random men Olivias blood started to boil. She slammed the door open and it hit the wall so hard she was sure she had busted a hole in it.

"What the hell?" Kathy shouted.

"Get your ass the fuck up!" Olivia yelled at the guy. He looked terrified, he jumped up grabbed his cloths and ran out the door behind her. She looked at Kathy.

"What the hell Olivia? How the fuck did you even get in here?" Kathy asked wrapping the sheet around her.

"You get dressed and do it right fucking now! Then you come the fuck down stairs so that we can talk!" Olivia shouted and with that she left the room slamming the door behind her so hard that picture fell off the wall.

"Lizzie," Olivia whispered walking into the girls room. "When you are done getting your things I want you to go and sit in the car and wait for me. And no matter what happens I don't want you to get out of the car!"

"Okay, and be careful," Lizzie said hugging Olivia, then waking to the car.

Olivia turned around when she heard Kathy coming down the stairs.

"Okay how the hell did you know where I live? How did you get in? And what do you want?" Kathy asked tripping on the last step and almost falling on her face.

"Your drunk!" Olivia shouted.

"That is none of your business!" Kathy shouted slurring her words.

Olivia took a deep breath to calm herself down. "Kathy, I want you to give your rights over the children to Elliot."

"What? Fuck you Olivia! I am not doing anything you say!" Kathy shouted.

"Yes the fuck you will! You beat your daughter! I could arrest you for that then you will have no choice but to give your kids to Elliot! And I really dont want to do that!" Olivia said slightly raising her voice.

"I don't beat my daughter! Who told you that?!" Kathy shouted getting in Olivia's face.

"You reek of booze! Get out of my face," Olivia said carefully shoving Kathy. "I will lock your ass up in jail and you will never see your kids again! At least this way if they want to see you they still can!"

"You know what you are right! I dont want these little brats anyway! They are all yours I will call my lawyer tomorrow! But if I do this I don't want any of you, especially you! To ever talk to me again!" Kathy said.

"Oh that shouldn't be a problem!" Olivia said walking over to the door. "And by the way, if you ever hurt Elliot or the kids ever again, I will kill you!" And with that Olivia left slamming the door.

Once Olivia got into the car Lizzie looked up at her.

"What happened?" Lizzie asked nervously.

"Nothing, everything went swell," Olivia said smiling.

"Are you sure?" Lizzie asked.

"Yup, now lets get to the hotel and have some fun!"

When they got to the hotel they both raced to the elevator. When they got to their room they both ran in and jumped on their bed.

"Okay so what do you want to do?" Lizzie asked.

"Why dont we just listen to music and forget everything!" Olivia said.

"That sound like a good idea, wanna listen to some Falling in Reverse?" Lizzie asked hooking her IPod up to her speaker.

"Do you have bad girls club?" Olivia asked.

"Of course!" Lizzie said and turned it on.

The whole night they laughed and sang and had a good time. They had no worries, no cares, they were free for the night!

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**_Again I am so sorry! I know this is short but I had to put something up for you guys! I just want to thank you for not freaking out on me! I AM SO SORRY, I will try and not mess up again. _**


	13. Chapter 13

**_Hey guys thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites!_**

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Olivia groaned in her sleep, and then rolled over. Lizzie looked over at her.

"Hey," Lizzie whispered trying to wake Olivia up.

Olivia just started to cry, she was still asleep.

"Olivia, wake up," Lizzie said sitting up.

She just started to cry harder, Lizzie pulled out her phone not knowing what to do. She called Elliot.

_"Hello," he said in a gruff voice._

"Daddy," Lizzie said in a scared voice.

_"Honey what is it?" Elliot asked instantly awake._

"Its Olivia," Lizzie said.

_"Whats wrong?" Elliot asked._

"She is crying in her sleep, she wont wake up, I don't know what to do," Lizzie said.

_Elliot listened for a minute he could hear Olivia in the back ground. "I want you to wake her up, thats all you need to do. Tell her she is okay, tell her everything is going to be okay."_

"Okay I am going to put you on speaker, then go and wake her up," Lizzie said putting the phone on speaker,  
and walking over to Olivia's bed.

"Hey Liv. Wake up!" Lizzie said. Olivia stopped crying. "Liv, wake up," Lizzie said grabbing her shoulder and shook her.

Olivia bolted up and shoved Lizzie, she started to hyperventilate. Lizzie got up and turned on the light. Olivia screamed, but then stopped when she seen that Lizzie had tears in her eyes.

"Oh fuck are you okay?" Olivia asked walking over to her.

"Yea, I am fine yo just shoved me when you woke up," Lizzie said wiping her eyes.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry. I really didn't mean to," Olivia said.

"Its fine, I'm Olivia. Are you okay?" Lizzie asked her walking over to her.

"Don't," Olivia said holding up her hand. "I am sorry but don't touch me, I am a monster and I really dont want to hurt you." Olivia walked off into the bathroom, Lizzie just sat on the bed forgetting about her dad on the phone who was just listening.

Olivia came back out a few minutes later.

"Can we not tell your dad what happened I don't want him to think that I can't take care of myself because I am fine," Olivia said completely calm now.

"Oh," Lizzie said remembering that her dad was on the phone. "Liv I-," she started but was cut off by Olivia.

"No, its fine, look," Olivia said pointing at the clock beside the hotel bed. "Its five our plane will take off at six thirty, we should get going." Olivia said walking over to her bag grabbing some cloths and then going back into the bathroom.

Lizzie picked up her phone and whispered "Hello."

_"Lizzie, don't tell Liv that you were talking to me I don't want her to think that you are betraying. How long was she in the bathroom a few minuets ago?"_

"I don't know 15 minuets maybe," Lizzie said knowing that he thinks that she cut herself.

_"Fuck," he said sighing. "Well make sure that she gets home okay and when you guys get here come straight to my house don't stop anywhere. Do you understand me Lizzie? And don't try and push her to talk, she will just shut down."_

"Okay daddy," Lizzie said starting to get worried. She heard the bathroom door open and with out saying thing else she hung up the call and watched Olivia move across the room with no emotion in her eyes.

"Are you ready?" Olivia asked Lizzie.

"Yea, are you?" Lizzie said hoping to keep the conversation going, but Olivia just nodded.

They went and took the rental car back then took a taxi to the airport. Olivia didn't say a word the whole way home. They got in the car, they went straight for Elliots.

They pulled up in front of Eliot's. "I have some errands to run, you go on up and tell him I will be back in a little bit and not to worry," Olivia said.

"Why don't you come up and see him for a minute I know that he wanted to see you," Lizzie said hoping to get her to stay.

"No its okay I will be back later and I will talk to him," she said facing the road again.

"Okay Olivia, be careful," Lizzie said.

"Of course." And with that she peeled out of the parking lot.

Lizzie went upstairs to tell Elliot. "She just left hurry and you can catch her, I think she is going to her place," Lizzie said walking into the apartment.

"Why did you let her leave?" Elliot asked running out the door not bothering to get a reply.

He hailed a cab and went straight for Olivias.

Olivia walked into her apartment and straight to her bed room. She seen the bed and started to panic, she walked into her bathroom and looked into the mirror thats when she started to see red she punched the mirror pieces flying every where. She ripped the shower curtain down, she walked out of the bathroom to her bedroom.  
She went over to her dresser, and ripped the drawers out dumping them everywhere, then throwing the drawers on her bed. She knocked everything off the top of her dresser and things broke and shattered when they hit the floor.

She went over to her closet and ripped all the cloths out and threw them all over the room. She tore the bed apart throwing the blankets and pillows. She went to the table beside her bed and slowly pulled out the drawer and grabbed the small little box with her blades and sat on the bed. She rolled her sleeve up and was just about to press the blade to her skin when she heard a voice behind her say, "Don't."

She sat up to see Elliot, "What are you doing here?" She asked him.

"I came to see if you were alright," he said walking over and sitting on the bed beside her.

"I am fine," she said with a tear rolling down her cheek. She just played with the blade in her hands, that were slightly bloody from the mirror that she punched.

"Liv what happened?" He asked seeing her hands.

"Oh you should see the mirror, he got it worse," she said trying to joke.

"Liv," he warned.

"What, I don't know I just snapped! I'm sorry! Tell Lizzie I am sorry too, I pushed her! She hit the floor hard enough that she started to cry! I cause her pain! What the fuck is wrong with me?" She yelled at her self.

"Liv that was not your fault you pushed her, you had a bad dream. What was your dream about?" He asked her calmly hoping to get her to open up.

"I, wait! How do you know this?" She asked realizing that she hadn't even told him about the dream yet.

"I was on the phone with Lizzie when it happened," he said.

"You were?" She asked getting nervous.

"Liv there was no noise for about 15 minuets, what happened?" He asked knowing that she had gone to the bathroom, he just needed to get her to open up about it.

"I went to the bathroom," she said simply.

"Liv, let me see your wrist," he said reaching out and gently taking her hand in his.

She just looked away knowing that he was going to find out anyway. He slid her sleeve up to see three fresh cuts.

"Oh, Liv," he whispered.

"I'm so sorry," she said starting to cry.

"Come here," he said wrapping her into a hug.

She let him and he just held her as she cried.

When she had finally calmed down she pulled out of his grasp.

"In the dream," she started. "He was there in the hotel room, it felt so real. He held me down on the bed he was just about to, rape me, thats when Lizzie had grabbed my shoulder, I think. And I thought it was him so I pushed and I pushed hard. I hurt her Elliot," she said looking into his eyes.

"Liv, that was not your fault. And Lizzie does not think you did it on purpose, she knows that you were trying to help yourself," Elliot said trying to calm her down.

"But El I hurt her, she was trying to help me and I hurt her," she said. "See this is why you can't help me, I am only going to hurt you. And I would hate my self for hurting you."

"Liv, I want to be here for you. And no matter what you say I am not going to give up on you, I love you Liv, and I always will," he said.

"I love you too," she said. She smiled and hugged him. He hugged her back.

"Why dont we go back to my place and we can hang out with the kids and eat. Because I am starving!" He said hoping to get her to come back home with him.

"You are always starving!" She said laughing. "Besides I think I might be hungry too."

His face brightened. "Then what are we still doing here? I say we go and get some great food and sleep the rest of the day," he said standing up and holding out his hand for her.


	14. Chapter 14

_**I am actually glad that I continued! Next chapter!**_

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They were standing in the elevator that took them to Elliot's apartment. Olivia was so nervous to see Lizzie.

"Liv, stop worrying Lizzie loves you. She knows that you would never hurt her," Elliot said grabbing and holding her hand.

"But what if she doesnt? What if she thinks that all I am going to do is hurt her? What if she doesn't feel safe around me?" Olivia asked, thinking out loud.

"Liv," he said turning her he put his hands on her shoulders, and tilted her head so that she was looking him in the eye. "Liv, Lizzie and Dickie both love you! Dickies love is a little different then Lizzie," they both paused to laugh. "But they both love you! And I know that deep down inside you know that to! Don't worry, you are just overthinking it!"

"I guess you are right," she said taking a deep breath. They just stood there looking into each other eyes,  
before either of them knew they were doing it, they were both leaning in for what could be a very passionate kiss.  
But before either of their lips could touch, the elevator dinged and they both jumped apart. They just stood there.

"We should go and see the kids," Elliot said taking her hand in his and walking to his door.

When they were just about to open the door Olivia put her hand on his that was about to turn the knob. When he turned to look at her she kissed him. It was soft and sweet then it turned to rough and full of need and love,  
soon her had her pinned against the outside of the door. They didn't realize that he had slammed her against the door, sure enough Lizzie and Dickie had both heard that.

The door just opened and Olivia almost fell in but Elliot caught her.

"Whats going on here?" Dickie asked looking like an angry parent.

"Well sir," Elliot said playing along.

"Don't get smart with me," Dickie said pointing at him. "And you young lady do you know what time it is?"  
Dickie asked looking at Olivia.

"Well, uh, you see," Olivia stuttered not sure what was going on, and completely embarrassed.

"Na I'm just playin, I ordered pizza by the way. I didn't know if you guys were hungry or not," Dickie said dropping the whole mucho father thing.

"Yea, we were just about to ask if you guys wanted anything," Elliot said walking into the apartment still holding Olivia's hand.

Olivia looked around for Lizzie but didn't see her she started to worry.

"Hey Dickie where is your sister?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know, she went to the bathroom when dad left and she hasn't come out yet," Dickie said sitting on the couch.

"Oh fuck," Olivia said dropping Elliot's hand and running the the bathroom.

"Liv? Whats wrong?" Elliot asked getting worried.

"Nothing, just stay in there it will only take a minute," she said disappearing into the hallway.

"Lizzie," Olivia whispered knocking on the door.

"Shit," she heard Lizzie swear, then a whole lot of movement and things falling.

"Lizzie open the door," Olivia said as calmly as possible even tho she was freaking out on the inside.

"Just a second Liv," Lizzie said.

"Lizzie I am coming in," Olivia said turning the knob.

"No!" Lizzie shouted. "Just a second."

"Lizzie I am coming in," Olivia said opening the door. As soon as the door opened the shower curtain closed, and there was no Lizzie. "Lizzie are you okay?"

"Of course, I am just going to take a shower okay?" Lizzie said. Now that Olivia was closer she could hear that Lizzie had been crying. Just then the water turned on. Olivia closed the door and locked it.

"Lizzie you are not okay, step out of the shower," Olivia said. She knew that Lizzie had cut because there was blood on the side of the bath tub.

"Really Liv I am fine," Lizzie said.

"If you dont step out of the shower I can go and have your dad come and get you," Olivia said sternly.

"No, no. Okay I will get out," Lizzie said. The water turned off, and the curtin open to reveal a soaking wet Lizzie in shorts and a tank top with fresh cuts on her legs.

"Oh sweetie come here," Olivia said. "Lets bandage you up." She went to Elliots cabinet and pulled out big bandaids and neosporin. "Baby you have to stop doing this," Olivia said squatting down in front of her and putting the medicine on the bandaids and putting the bandage on her legs. She heard Lizzie wince but didn't stop.

"Really Liv? Do you even realize how big of a hypocrite you sound like? What were you just doing? Huh? Where did you just go? Did daddy help you? Liv, I can't stop. You of all people know how hard it is to quit once you start," Lizzie snapped sitting down on the toilet. Olivia was shocked Lizzie has never spoken to her like this, but Olivia don't blame her she is a hypocrite and she knows it.

"You are right Lizzie, thats why we have to help eachother. I will help you stop if you help me!" Olivia would do anything for this little girl.

"You really mean that?" Lizzie asked.

"Of course, now I am going to go and get you some clean cloths," Olivia smiled kissed her cheek and went to get some cloths. When she came back she gave the cloths to Lizzie and kissed her cheek and went to Elliot's room and laid down on the bed.

"Are you okay?" Elliot asked walking into the room to see Olivia laying on his bed.

"I'm fine..." She said sitting up and smiling.

"Olivia stop lieing to me," Elliot said. Olivia seen that he was serious he smile disappeared from her face.

"Okay I'm sorry," she said. "Its just, do you know how hard it is going to be for me to quit. I need to find something else to help me forget about my pain. Or whatever is hurting me," she said looking him in the eye.

"Liv, of course this is going to be hard. But you dont have to do it alone!" Elliot said hugging her.

"I know I have Lizzie to help me and I have to help her," Olivia said sighing, and relaxing into her hug.

"Whats wrong with Lizzie that you have to help her?" Elliot asked pulling back and looking at her. Olivia realized what she said.

"Uh, well," she couldn't lie to Elliot he would know. But Lizzie would stop trusting her if she told him. "I am trying to gain her trust, I will tell you I promise, but now isn't the time."

"Liv, you know you have to tell me if something is happening to my daughter," Elliot said.

"I know and I know that I should but, this just isn't something I can tell you. Just wait till she comes to you okay? Please?" Olivia asked looking him dead in the eye.

"Okay I trust you, but if anything gets bad you tell me!" Elliot said. "Now I will go and get your piece of pizza and tell them that we are going to bed early." He smiled and winked at her then left.

She smiled to herself and flopped back onto the bed. He returned 10 minutes later.

"Here you go," he said handing her a plate of pizza. "Just perorine, I know thats your favorite. They are going to bed," he said getting into the bed. She just stared at the pizza remembering what happened last time she ate. "Just eat slow, start off easy. You don't even have to eat it all just get something in you," he said seeing that she looked scared to eat.

She nodded and took a small bite, then another, then another and soon she had eaten the whole piece.

"God that tasted so good! I can not remember the last time I have eaten a whole slice of pizza!" She said proud of herself looking at him.

"That is very good Liv! I am so happy that you are eating!" He said proud of her.

"Is that all you want? Do you want to try another piece? Its up to you," he said.

"No I think that is enough, I don't feel like throwing up," she said leaning back in the bed and getting comfortable.

He pulled the blankets up covered her all the way to her neck. He got cozy beside her, he wasn't sure if he would be over stepping his boundaries if he wrapped his arm around her. She seen that he was hesitant.

She rolled over and looked him in the eye, she gave him a sweet small kiss on the lips grabbed his hand and rolled over again and snuggled into his embrace.


	15. Chapter 15

_**I am so sorry that I haven't updated for a while, I was going through, uh rough patch. But anyway I am back and I am hoping to try and update at least once a week! BTW Its almost Wednesday again! I can not wait! Did you guys watch Mysteries of Laura? I think it is just too funny! Any way have a great afternoon/day/week! **_

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The next morning Elliot woke up to find Olivia laying on his chest. He never actually thought he would wake up with Olivia in the same bed with him. He ran his fingers through her hair and smiled, this might be the happiest he has been in a long time.

Olivia woke up when she felt something n her hair, she had to think for a moment. She didn't know where she was a first, she opened her eyes to see Elliots bedroom. She was laying on something it was firm, thats when she realized that she was laying on Elliots chest. She seemed to relax at the thought, she felt safe, calm, and even happy. She started tracing scars on his chest.

"Hey, your awake," he said with a voice that oozed of sleep.

"Mhmmm," she hummed. Sending chills through his body, she heard, and felt his heart rate speed up. "You okay?" She asked him.

"Yea, I'm fine. Why?" He asked hoping she didn't notice.

"Well your heart just started beating like a zillion miles per second," she said pulling away and looking up at him smiling.

"Well, uh, you, I," he didn't want to say anything and make her run, or scared. And he really didn't want her to think that he was moving to fast on her. She silenced him with a small simple little kiss, when she pulled back she smiled at him.

"I know you are scared that I am going to run El, but I'm not, I promise," she said with a reassuring smile.

"Well I don't know how to say this with out being blunt but, when you hummed like that you honestly have no idea what it does to me," he said looking her in the eyes waiting for a reaction.

She just smiled and laid back down, but this time she layed on her back with her head on her pillow. He rolled on to his side and looked down at her. She looked up at him, they just stared at each other that felt like forever.

"Well," she said.

"Well what?" He asked looking down at her.

"Are you going to kiss me or not?" She asked with a smirk.

"Do you want me to?" He asked with a smile.

"Very much so," she said.

"Well then I will kiss you," he said.

"Okay," she whispered. She closed her eyes and waited. When she felt his lips graze over hers she smiled, she could hold it in much longer she raised up and locked lips with him. It was soft, slow and sweet for a moment, then when he nipped at her bottom lip and she granted him access, thats when the kiss became frenzied. They kissed harder, he ran his hands down her sides till it go to her hips and she ran her hands up his arms and pulled him on top of her. They didn't even realize what was happening, he slid his hands back up her side and intertwined his fingers in hers. And pulled them over her head, when they finally broke the kiss he went down to her neck.

"Mmmm," she moaned when he found a sweet spot under her ear. "El," she whispered.

"God your gorgeous," he said attacking her neck.

"Mmmm, El," she moaned.

He started to kiss down her neck, when he got to her chest there was a knock on the door. Olivia shifted underneath him and he jumped off of her.

"Uh, yea," Olivia choked out.

"We were just wondering when you guys were going to come out and make breakfast?" Dickie asked through the door.

"Just, just a minute," Elliot said through a stutter.

"Alrighty then," Dickie said shuffling off.

Olivia and Elliot both just sat there in silence staring at the door.

"I uh, I am going to the bathroom," Olivia said. "I have to, uh, take a shower." She stood up and went to the bathroom door, she stopped and turned around. She walked back over to the bed leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. Then walked off to the bathroom.

Elliot sat there and smiled, he went off and made breakfast.

Olivia came out about 20 minutes to see Elliot and the kids sitting on the couch watching tv and eating breakfast.

"Oh hey Liv," he said standing up and smiling when he noticed her.

"Hey no need to get up," she said smiling and pushing him back down. She walked into the kitchen and started to make her coffee. She paused and turned around to see Elliot standing there smiling at her. "Well hello there. Can I help you?" She asked.

"Well I just wanted to tell you that the kids are going to see Kate and Mo for lunch," Elliot said walking over to her.

"Mkay," she said turning around and continuing to make her coffee. She felt him getting closer to her, when she seen his hands on the counter beside her she turned in his arms and smile.

"God you are so beautiful," he said just before he kissed her, hard.

"Mmmm," Olivia moaned into the kiss. She wrapped her leg around his waist and he took that as a sign to pick her up. When he did she wrapped her legs around his waist, when air was necessary and they pulled their lips apart he went to her neck and started to suck on that sweet spot right under her ear.

"You taste so good," he said right into her ear. He slid his hands down her body till he got to the hem of her shirt, then he started to slide them under when someone cleared their throat. They jumped apart and Olivia went back to making her coffee and acting like nothing happened.

"We were just about to head out," Lizzie said.

"Uh, yea okay. Be safe," Olivia said not looking at her.

"Right," Lizzie said with a smirk. "Dont forget to use protection." And with that they ran out the door. Olivia heard that and turned around wide eyed.

"The nerve on that girl," Olivia said sipping her coffee.

"Ha, yea," he said staring at her.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" She asked.

"Cause your pretty," he said walking over to her.

"Am I now?" She asked with a smirk, she set her coffee down.

"Mhmm, very. So do you want to watch a movie?" He asked grabbing her hand.

"Sure why not?" She said walking past him and to the living room.

20 minutes later they were snuggled up on the couch watching Dirty Dancing.

"I love this movie," she said.

"I love you," he said staring at her.

"I, uh," she cleared her throat. "Are you even watching the movie?"

"What?" He asked coming out of his daze. "Yea sure."

"But you are still staring at me," she said with a smile.

"Thats cause I really want to kiss you," he said looking down at her lips.

"Then, kiss me!" She said, and with that he was on her. "Mmm," she moaned into the kiss. And a few moments later she was on her back and was over her kissing her neck. She grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head, and then ran her hand down his chest.

"Mmm, baby," he groaned. He slid his hands up her shirt and groaned when his hands touched her soft flesh.

"Maybe we should stop," he said pulling his lips away from her neck.

"No you can't stop now," she said starting to unfasten his pants.

"Liv I don't want to push you," he said grabbing her hands.

"Your not rushing me, I want this, god I want this!" She said fighting his hands away and unbuttoning his pants. "Please baby."

"Okay," he said chewing on the inside of his lip. And let her, he slid his hands up her shirt. He pulled her shirt over her head, and then he stared down at her. He loved having her withering underneath of him.

He was just about to reach behind her and unfastened her bra when his phone started to ring. They both groaned in disapproval.

"It will only take a moment, thats Cragens ringtone," he said kissing the end of nose. She sighed, smiled, and then nodded. He got up and went over to his phone, he picked it up and answered it.

"Stabler," he said into the phone.

_"Elliot we need Olivia to come to the station, Michaels brother Vincent is here. And he won't speak to anyone other then Olivia. And before you start yes I know she was traumatized but this is the only way to get him. He said that he would confess but only if he could talk to Olivia," Cragen said with a sigh. He really didn't want to pull Olivia through this but he needed to get this guy as far away from his best detectives._

"Cap I don't really know if now is the time for this," he said looking over at Olivia who was watching him with questioning eyes.

_"Well it needs to be, Elliot you know I wouldnt ask her to do this unless it was important!" Cragen said. _

"Cap," Elliot said walking out of the room. "She is getting better and I am afraid that if we do-" He was cut off the line went dead. He sighed and closed his phone and walked into the livingroom to see Olivia on her phone.

"No Cap, Ill do it. I will be there later tonight," she said into the phone. She looked up to see Elliot walking back into the room. "No Cap, I am fine. Yes, Elliot really is helping. I know, yes. I promise!" She said with a slight chuckle. "Okay I will see you later, you too." And with that she clicked the phone off, then looked at Elliot. "You do know that I could have answered for myself," she said to him walking back to the couch.

"Well I knew that you would choose the wrong decision," he said sitting down beside her. The tv was off they just sat there staring at the blank television. "Liv I-," he started but she cut him off.

"No El, I can still take care of myself. And I know his brother! I know what he is capable of, and if I don't do this he will not stop! You just don't understand," she said starting to get angry. "So just don't okay? I am fine! This wont even take long! Now are you coming with me?" She asked him trying to calm back down.

"Of course Liv, I am your partner," he said.

"Okay, I need to get dressed," she said standing up with a sigh. She looked down at him sitting there on the couch, she lent down and gave him a small kiss. "It will be okay, I promise." And with that she walked out of the room.

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**_Again I am very sorry! But anyway what did you think? I am already working on the next chapter! I know this was kinda short I will try and make the next on longer!_**


	16. Chapter 16

**_Here is the next chapter, I know it is getting dark again! But I am going to make things look up! PLease review!_**

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"Liv," Fin said when he seen her and Elliot walk in. She was just staring at her desk, she didnt even notice Fin talking to her.

"Olivia," Elliot said nudging her shoulder.

"Huh?" She said breaking out of her daze.

"Are you okay?" Elliot asked. He was worried, she was just starting to good. He thought that this might break her again.

"Elliot, I am fine. Now stop asking," she said looking him dead in the eye. She looked back at Fin. "So where is Vincent?" She asked him.

"He is in interrogation room 6, but Cap wants to talk to you first," Fin said handing her a folder of Vincents information, and shaking his head toward Cragens office.

"Okay thank you Fin," she said. She was about to walk away when he stopped her.

"Baby girl? How are you doing?" He asked her.

"Fin," she said with a sigh. She was hoping that no one would ask her that. "I am fine, now I have to go and talk to the captain." And then she just walked away. Elliot stayed behind to talk, probably about her she thought.

She knocked lightly on the Cragens door. "Cap," she said opening it just a crack. Within one moment he was standing.

"Olivia, come in," he said opening the door the rest of the way.

"Fin said that you wanted to see me before I went to go and talk to Vincent?" She said standing in the door way.

"Yes, I wanted to know how you were doing," he said looking her in the eyes.

She turned around to see that almost every officer in the squad room was watching her. She closed the door and walked over to her captain. "Does everybody know?" She asked him starting to worry.

"They know pieces, Olivia," he said.

"Great, great," she said starting to worry. "Okay anyway I am fine, so lets do this. I have things I need to do." She said walking out his other door to avoid everyone's eyes. She walked to interrogation room 6 not caring if anyone was following her. She got to the door took a deep breath then walked into the room.

"Olivia," Vincent said standing up, he took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. She flinched when his lips touched her skin.

"Vincent," she said. Fin, Elliot, Cragen, and Munch gathered outside the window to watch what was going to happen. Elliot seen her flinch when he kissed her hand but he was surprised when she didn't pull her hand out of the man's grasp.

"So Olivia, I was told by someone that you killed my brother," he said sitting back down and motioned for Olivia to sit. Elliot knew something had happened between them by the way that Olivia was acting, she was giving him all the control. Which led Elliot to believe that whatever happened between them was not good.

"It was an accident," she said quickly.

"No it was not," he said hitting the table. She jumped but trying to cover it. "You better not Lie to me Bait," he said using the nickname that they called her.

"Bait?" Fin asked Elliot, he just shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. It amazed all men that Olivia was practically bowing down to this man.

"Good, so now. Shall we get down to business?" He asked her.

She nodded her head and then opened the folder that was sitting down in front of her. "Well it says here that you are running a prostitution ring," she said looking back up at him.

"Oh silly girl. Bait, I said I would confess I will tell you and your friends outside the window everything that happened," he said nodding towards the window. "But you do know that that involves me telling your story to them too." He was looking at her, she was chewing on her lip. "You are so cute when you do that," he said reaching across the table to tap her nose. She didn't move, it was as if she were frozen.

"Well I guess I should start talking, should I start at where you came to me asking for help? Or how you got your name Bait? Or when you came to my brother asking if you could trade him sex for drugs?" He said. Everyone on the other side of the window was shocked. "You know," he said looking over to the window. "Bait here, has a bad addiction to pain killers and sex?"

She looked up at him to see that he was looking her in the eyes again. She suddenly stood up and took off running out of the room, she wasn't crying. She couldn't there were to many people around her to see her week. Fin and Munch went into the room to get the whole story while Cragen watched from the window, Elliot took off running after her but she was to fast. He had no idea where she was.

Olivia ran out of the squad room she kept running till she got to the door of Haungs office. She stood there staring at the door, then it opened. And there stood George.

"Olivia are you okay?" He asked seeing that she was shaking really bad and was pale.

"Im, Im gonna," she ran into the room and straight to his trash bin and threw up the coffee that she drank this morning. George walked back into his room and shut the door.

"Olivia are you okay?" He asked her again.

"Im fine," she snapped. "Im sorry," she said sighing and sitting on the couch in his room. "I didnt know that you would be in here, I was just looking for a place to hide out."

"Who are you hiding from?" He asked her going into shrink mode.

"If I tell you anything you wont tell right?" She asked him.

"Yes Olivia, you have my word," he said putting his hand over his heart.

"Me," she whispered.

"What?" He asked her.

"Me," she said a little louder. "I am running from myself. I cant do this anymore! I need to get away, I need some type of relief. Doc I have anxiety really bad. Do you have anything for that?" She was hoping to get something to calm her nerves.

"Liv, you know that I cant just hand that out," he said with a sad smile. He didnt know what was wrong with her but he wanted to help and he was afraid that drugs werent the answer.

"Thats just great okay," she said standing up. "I need to go home, I am sorry for bardgeing in." She walked over to the door.

"Liv, what is wrong?" He asked her.

"Nothing," she said looking over her shoulder. "I am fine," she said with a smile and then turned the door knob and left the room. George just sat there shocked not sure what to do about this.

"Have any of you seen Liv?" Elliot asked walking back into the squad room two hours later.

"You still haven't found her?" Fin asked shocked.

"No I have looked everywhere!" Elliot said thinking of all the places that she would go.

"Elliot," Cragen said coming out of his office. "Wheres Liv?" He asked worried.

"I dont know! I have looked everywhere! I have no idea where she could be!" Elliot said worried too.

"Well you need to find her soon I am afraid that she might do something to herself," Cragen said.

"You think that I am not thinking the same thing? Cap I love her she is missing and she was just fine till she walked into that god damn room! This is all your fault you know! None of this would have happened if you would have just let me keep her at home! Now I don't know where she is!" Elliot shouted at his Captain. He was pacing, he had no idea where to look. He went to her apartment, he went to his apartment, he checked the roof, and the cribs. He even went to the bar by the precinct and the one by his house.

"Elliot!" Cragen shouted interrupting his rampage. "I know that and don't you think I feel like shit for doing it? But we got him he will never be able to hurt anyone! Especially Olivia! I did this for her! I didnt know that he even really knew her! But he did and they have, uh, they have a big background! You need to find her! And quickly! What has it been two hours already?" Cragen was equally as stressed and worried.

"I don't know something like that," he said.

Cragen did the only thing he could think of to do. "Okay everyone listen up!" He shouted into his squad room. "Olivia Benson has unexpectedly left! If anyone knows where she is tell me! Do not talk to her just come and tell me! Got it!" Everyone nodded, and went back to work. Elliot left again to go and check his house again, Fin and Cragen looked around the building just incase she was in the parking lot or something.

"Uh Detective Munch ?" Rob, the squad janitor, said walking up to John.

"What?" He snapped.

"Well I seen Detective Benson in the supply closet, she goes in there a lot I gave her space because I thought she was having a hard time with a case. But anyway she went in there like an hour ago and I haven't seen her since I think she might still be in there," Rob said. He didn't know Olivia personally but he did know that she was a great detectives and worked hard at her job!

"Thank you! God thank you!" John said running to the closet. Once he got there he heard soft cries coming from inside the room, he knocked on the door and heard her moving around.

"Just a second," she called from the inside. He heard something fall and then her faintly curse. He went to open the door when it was slammed shut from the other side. "I said just a second," she said in a harsher tone.

"Liv, open the door," John said.

"Fuck," she said. She let go and moved away from the door, it was opened a second later. John gasped when he seen her, she had blood that was dripping off of her hands. "Munch I am fine I was just about to come back," she said softly. She went to grab the paper towels that were sitting on the cart beside her. She gently applied pressure to her wrist.

"Liv," he said with a sigh.

"No, just don't. Okay? I am fine and we don't have to tell Elliot about this! If we do he will never leave me alone! I swear I won't do it again! This was my last time! I was just really stressed and I asked George for some anxiety medicine, but he told me no! This was the only thing I had left I swear I wasn't going to but then is just happened! But I won't do it again!" She said as she pressed the paper towel to her wrist. She didn't know if she was lying or not.

"Liv we have to tell Elliot! He deserves to know! He has been looking for you everywhere," he said grabbing neosporin and a few band aids from the cart behind him.

"Cap he can't know!" She was really hoping that he wouldn't tell but she knew him better than that. She seen the look that he was giving her and she finally decided. "Fine! I will tell him, ME. I will tell him tonight! But you can't say anything, I wanted to be the one to tell him."

"Fine but if you don't tell him then I will," he said putting the medicine on the band aid. He was just about to put it on wrist when she jerked her hand back. "Liv?"

"I am fine okay I don't need you to help me. Go out there and tell them to call off the search, I heard Cragen yell at everyone to start looking. I will finish up in here," she said taking the band aid from Munch.

"Liv, really its no big deal," he said going to take the band aid from her but she shook her head.

"No just go I will be out in a few I promise!" She said giving him a gentle shove to the door. He looked at her with sad eyes and walked out of the room to call of the search.

As soon as he left silent tears ran down her face, she didn't want him to see her cry. She carefully put the band aid on her wrist and gasped when she felt the cold medicine touch her wrist. She pulled her sleeve back down the put on her sweater, took a deep breath, wiped her eyes and got ready to walk back into the squad room.

She didn't know what she was thinking. She was doing so good! But then she just cracked, the thought of them knowing what that man did to her was eating her up. She knew that Vincent probably told them. Did Elliot know? She asked herself. She needed to stop, but she couldn't. She owed it to tell Elliot herself, she just didn't know if she could take having him know what happened to her. Was this ever going to go away? She asked herself.

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**_Is she going to tell Elliot what happened, or will Munch have to? What is her history with Vincent? What is George going to do? Please review and let me know how it was. It was kinda dark I know, but things will get better! _**


	17. Chapter 17

**_Here is the next chapter of I'm Fine. Tell me what you think!_**

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Olivia walked into the squad room to see Fin, Munch, and Cragen. When they seen her Fin and Cragen walked over to her and started asking her a million questions, like where she was, what she was doing, if she was okay.

"Hey!" She shouted at them, they both got very quiet. "Where is Elliot?" She asked realizing that he wasn't even in the room.

"He went home to check on you," Munch said from behind them. He didn't know if Olivia was going to tell him or not.

"Oh," she said with a slight sigh. "Well anyway, I went to go and see Haung," she said walking away from them, she grabbed her phone off of her desk.

"The whole entire time you were with Haung?" Cragen asked with disbelief.

"Well not the whole entire time but, for a bit. Anyway I don't have any time for questions," she said cutting them off, she didn't like lying to them but she couldn't tell them the truth. "I gotta go and talk to Elliot, I bet he is freaking out," she said with a slight chuckle.

"Yes, Olivia he is, but so were we!" Munch said. She looked at him and knew that he wanted her to tell Cragen and Fin.

"Yea well I am..." she looked at them they looked relieved that she was there, and she couldn't take that away from them. "I am fine, I have to go and talk to Elliot. Sorry for running off I just needed a break. And what did Vincent tell you?" She asked.

They all gave her sad faces, she sighed, they knew.

"Well what did you tell Elliot?" She asked them. "Does he know?"

"No we didn't tell him we figured you would want to," Fin said.

"Yea great thank you," she said turning to leave. She started walking then she heard footsteps behind her so she stopped and turned around to see that Munch was following her. "What?" She asked him.

"Why didnt you tell them?" He asked her.

"Because its none of their business, just like it is none of your," she said. He looked at her in disbelief. "Okay fine, I didn't tell them because they looked happy to see me, and if they knew they would be disappointed! And I can not stand it when Cragen gives me that hurt father look and Fin goes all 'Baby-girl'," she said mocking Fin.

"Olivia they need to know," he said with a sigh. "And we all care, there for that becomes our business! Olivia you made not want to admit it yourself but we all love you! And no matter what happens we will always be here for you."

"I know, and I love all of you too. I just, the faces you all made when you found out. I, I can't. You just looked so hurt! I cant do that you all again!" She said. "Anyway I have to go, I will see you later. And please Munch dont tell them!" And then she walked away, she was about to cry and she did not want anyone to see her like that, especially people that she worked with.

When she got to Elliots she walked in to see that the whole entire house was trashed. "El," she whispered just incase it wasn't him in the house. She heard something fall then she heard someone running, she walked to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. When she turned around she seen Elliot standing there, he had bloodshot eyes. It was obvious that he had been crying. She also smelt alcohol, so he was drinking. She had never seen him drunk, she doesn't know how he acts.

"Liv?" He said with disbelief. "Where were you? I looked everywhere! You weren't anywhere!" He shouted.

She flinched, but tried to remain calm "I went to go and see Haung," she said putting the knife back down.

"You what?" He asked stepping towards her, she immediately stepped back only to be met with the sink. "Shit Liv," he whispered when he seen that he was scaring her. "I am so sorry!" He said stepping back.

"No, no its fine," she said stepping towards him. "Its not your fault, you were just worried."

"Liv I didn't meant to scare you," he said pulling her into his arms.

"I know," she whispered into his chest.

"Were you really with Haung?" He asked her, he was amazed that she went to talk to a shrink.

"Yes," she said pulling out of his arms. "For some of the time anyway. Hey I am going to take a shower, can we talk later?" She asked, she really didn't want to tell him right now.

"Yes of course," he said kissing her forehead. He knew there was something that she wasn't telling him but he decided not to push her right now, he doesn't know what happened with her today. He didn't want to upset her anymore the he already has. She smiled and walked out of the kitchen and to the bathroom.

He looks at the living room, to see what he did, he sighs and starts to clean it up. About 20 minutes later she walks out of the bathroom in a pair of sweatpants and long sleeve t-shirt. She sees him cleaning the living room but she still doesn't want to talk right now, so she walks to his bedroom and flops down on the bed.

Elliot heard the bathroom door open but he never seen her so he went to check on her and when he seen that the bathroom was empty. He walked to his bedroom to see her laying on the bed face down. He snuck over to the side of his bed and turned off the lamp, and then he climbed into the bed. She sat up when she felt someone on the bed.

"What are you doing?" She asked him.

"Well," he said pulling the covers back for her, he smiled when she slid underneath them. "You look tired and I am tired I figured that we could take a nap."

"Okay," she whispered. She was tired, she got comfortable in his arms. She closed her eyes and smiled in content.

"Hey Liv," he whispered feeling her breathing even out, he knew that she was almost asleep and decided to use this to his advantage. He knew it was wrong but he needed to know.

"Hmm?" She hummed in response.

"Where were you today when you werent with Haung?" He asked her.

"I was in the custodial closet," she said falling asleep.

"Hey Liv, one more thing," he whispered into her hair. "What were you doing?"

"I needed a release," she said, and like that she was out like a light. His eyes widened when he heard her, he slid her hands out from under the pillow and sure enough there were four new, fresh cuts. He sighed, what was he going to do he thought to himself. At Least he thought he thought it to himself. "Hmm?" She hummed again.

"Nothing Liv, go back to sleep," he said kissing the back of her head. She nodded, but right before she went to sleep she whispered his name. "Yes?" He said to her.

"I love you," she whispered and just like that she was asleep again. He smiled and whispered that he loved her too. And then he fell asleep beside her, wondering what he was going to do to help her.

The next morning she woke up before he did and went and took a shower then started to clean up where he left off last night. After she was done she decided to go on a walk and see where that would take her. When he woke up and she wasn't beside him he automatically thought the worst, he got up as fast as he could and started to search the house. Thats when he walked into the livingroom to see that is was spotless, he walked into the kitchen to see a cup of coffee and a note.

_El I know we still need to talk and I am sorry for taking off like this, but I needed some time to cope. I promise I will tell you everything about Vincent and where I was but I just cant do it right now. But I cleaned the living room and I hope that that makes you happy, because right now I feel like shit. And I am very sorry that I just left like that yesterday, what am I saying I am doing it again right now. I felt bad that I flinched when you walked toward me, I know that you would never hurt me and I don't want you thinking that I think that you would._

_Anyway like I said we can talk about this later, I think I might be out all day. But if what I have to do doesn't take so long I may be home earlier. Home, I like the sound of the. I love you and I will see you later. XOXO -Liv_

What kind of plans did she have to do today? He asked himself.

Olivia walked for what felt like hours and when she finally came out of her trance she seen that she was standing in front of the building that they were holding Vincent in. What am I doing here? She asked herself. But she knew what she was doing here, she was here to get some answers. She wanted to know exactly what he told her squad. She walked into the building and signed in with a different name and handed over her gun. Then followed the guard to where they were holding Vincent.

She felt uneasy, he was a bad man, a very bad man. And here she was going to talk to him when she didn't have to, but she did have to! She needed to know. And she knew that neither Cragen or the guys would tell her what he said to them. So she needed to find out on her own!

"Bait," Vincent said stepping forward to grab her hand and kiss it, just like he always does. "Its always a pleasure to see you. To what do I owe this visit? I already told the other detectives everything," he says to her with a wicked smile.

"I need to know exactly what you said to them," she said with the calmest voice that she could, even tho she felt like she was going to explode.

"Oh Bait, you know what I told them," he said to her with a smirk.

"How much did you tell them?" She asked, with a slight squeak in her voice. She cleared her throat the last thing she needed was to appear weak in front of this man.

"I told them everything, Bait. From the first moment we ment to the very last," he said leaning forward. "I told them about the time that you met my brother even! Remember that day?" He asks her.

_"Oh Michael this is Olivia, she is new to my service. She needed a quick fix the other day but she couldn't pay me back, so she is on my service for now. Just until her debt is payed back," Vincent said with his arms wrapped around Olivias shoulders as they say at the bar._

_"Oh Olivia, thats very sweet, I like that," Michael said staring her down. "And you definitely are a looker, I bet you could lure every man in for miles," he said with a creepy smile. Olivia knew deep inside that there was something off about this man._

_"Uh, yea sure," Olivia says taking a sip of the red wine she was drinking._

_"So Michael I asked you to meet me here so that you could take Olivia here on a little test run, you know tell me how she is so that I know how to rate her for my clients," Vincent says taking a sip of his scotch._

_"I would love to," Michael says staring Olivia down once again. Olivia looked over at Vincent._

_"Can't there just be some other way? I mean this is just, ridiculous. Can't I just sleep with you? I mean at least I kinda know you," Olivia said, she really didn't want to get into bed with a complete stranger._

_"Sorry babe but I have a date in about 30 minutes," he says. "Speaking of which I have to go so I will talk to you tomorrow." And with that he was gone._

_"So are you a bad girl?" Michael asks her._

_"I uh, I'll be whatever you want me to be daddy," she says downing the rest of her wine and standing up. "So lets just get this over with."_

_"Ooo down to the point, exactly the way I like them," he says slapping her butt._

_"Hey," she snapps. She can't yell at him tho, she will get in even more trouble with Vincent and that is the last thing that she needs. "Wait till we get to your place," she says instead._

_"You got it babe," he says wrapping his arm around her and dragging her out of the bar._

"Hello? Bait are you okay? You don't look so good?" Vincent asked bringing her back to reality.

"You told them? Did you tell them why I was on you," she pauses. "Service," she says through her gritted teeth.

"Why dont you just ask them?" He asks her.

"Because," she says. But what is she suppose to tell him?

"Hmmm," he said.

"So you told them everything?" She whispered.

"Yes Bait I did, but its for you own good. Now if you don't mind I have things to do," with that he stood up and called the guard.

"What kind of things? You are going to prison!" She said to him. He just gave her a wicked smile as he was being pulled out of the room.

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**_What is she going to do next? Please review!_**


	18. Chapter 18

**_Please review! All reviews are important to me! _**

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After Olivia went and talked to Vincent she just walked straight to the bar by Elliots house. She sat down and signaled Tony, the bartender, he knew both Olivia and Elliot. They would come in here after a hard day.

"Hey Liv, tough day?" He asks, putting her drink on the counter.

"You could say that," she replies with a smile nodding her appreation. She was thankful that word hadent spread everywhere, so Tony didnt know anything that was going on.

She just sat there drinking and drinking, she heard the bell ding on the door, signaling that someone was here. She turned to see Elliot walk in, '_Fuck,' _she thought. She climed off the stool feeling all the alcohol taking over her body, she had more to drink then she thought. She walked, unsteadly, to the bathroom. She couldnt let him see her drunk, he would be so pissed. She didnt make it tp the bathroom so she just stood in the shadows.

"Hey Elliot," Tony said seeing Elliot walk in and sit down at the bar. "Liv was just here," Tony said looking over at Olivias empty seat.

"She what?" Elliot asked suprised.

"Yea she was just here. She was hitting them back pretty hard. What kinda case did you guys have today?" Tony asked cleaning the counter.

"We didnt, did you see where she went? And how hard? How many drinks did she have?" Elliot asked worriedly.

"I dont remember she had quite a few shots, said that you were going to pick her up later so I didnt think to cut her off," Tony replied equally as worried. "Why whats wrong?"

"Olivia has been having, uh, problems. So did you see where she went?" Elliot asked looking around.

"No, I, uh, she was just here. She having drinking problems? I thought it was weird that she didnt winice when she drank those shots," Tony said. "Try abd check the bathroom."

"Okay," Elliot said running to the bathroom, he opened the door but seen nothing he started looking through the stalls.

Olivia seen him run past her, and took this as her oppertunity to run out. She couldnt actually run because all of the alcohol, so she walked quickly.

"Hey Liv!" Tony called when he seen her.

"Not now, I have to go!" She said as she continued walking.

"No, wait! Elliot!" He yelled jumping over the counter and running towards her. "Liv wait!" He said when he finally caught up to her. Everyone in the bar was silent and watching.

"Liv!" Elliot yelled coming out of the bathroom, he heard Tony call him.

"What the hell Tony!?" Olivia shouted shoving him out of the way but missing and almost falling to the floor.

"Liv Elliot is here just go home with him," Tony said grabbing her wrists to stedy her. As soon as he gripped her wrists she shreaked in pain. "Fuck Liv, I didnt know that I grabbed you that hard," he said dropping her hands.

"Liv," Elliot said wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "Lets go," he said pushing her out the door. He nodded to Tony, who had no idea what just happend. As soon as they left everyone in the bar went back to their bisnuess.

"Liv are you okay?" Elliot asked as soon as they got outside.

"Elliot I am fine, I was just haveing a," she stopped to burp, then giggled. "I was just having a bad day, its cool! Now can we go home? I am just so tired!" She said with a smile.

"Yes but as soon as we get there we are talking!" He said sternly.

"About what?" She asked as he led her to his car.

"About why you cut yourself yesterday, and about what Vincent and you went through! And about what the hell you did today!" He said getting into the car and raising his voice slightly, but trying not to scare her.

"i'm sorry, I didnt mean to upset you," she said running her hand up his theigh as he started the car.

"Liv, no its fine! You dont need to do this," he said putting his hand on top of hers and putting it back into her lot, while pulling out of the bar parking lot. Was she really about to try and do this?

"But El I dont want you mad at me, Michael likes it when I do this. Let me make you happy!" She said returning her hand to his theigh.

"Liv stop this, there is no way I am anything at all like Michael! Now move your hand," he said calmly. He didnt want her to think that he was mad at her, did she really do this for Michael?

"Fine," she said flopping her hand back into her lap and staring out the window. The ride back to Elliots was short and awkward. When they got there they both got out of the car Olivia stumbing all the way up the stairs and but Elliot held her the whole entire time. As soon as they got inside the house Olivia flopped on the couch.

"Hey El come here," she said beckoming him with her finger.

"Liv I don-," he started but stopped when Olivia took her shirt off. "What are you doing?" He asked when she started to take off of her pants.

"i want to say that I am sorry, El. Come here," she said. When he didnt move she stood up off of the couch, and walked over to him. She started to kiss his neck, he knew that now was not the time especially since she was drunk.

"No Liv. You need to stop, lets go take a shower," he said stepping back and putting his hand on the small of her back and leading her to the bathroom. She walked past the bathroom and straight to the bedroom and laid on the bed.

"I will do anything you want," she said again.

"Dammit Liv," Elliot said, he couldn't believe she was doing this.

"Dont be mad Mike, I said that I would do whatever," she said getting on her knees at the end of the bed. Wait did she just call Elliot Mike?

"What? Liv? Are you okay?" Elliot asked walking over to him.

"Ugh," she groaned. "You are so boring!" She flopped back to the other end of the bed. "I am going to take a shower, then I am going to bed," she said walking to the bathroom and just the door.

Elliot just stood there, he blames Michael for this, she was never like this before. His Liv would never do that! He heard her humming and then the shower turn on, he didn't know how much she had drank, but he had a feeling that when she finally came to, she was going to be very distant. Where was she today? He asked himself. He walked into the bathroom and sat on the toilet seat just incase she falls or something.

"Hey El," she whispered. She always did know when he was around her.

"Yes Liv?" Elliot replied. He didn't know if this shower would sober her up or not.

"I'm sorry," she said back.

"Its okay Liv just take your shower," he replied.

She didn't say anything back. She took a twenty minute shower.

"Hey El," she said again.

"Yes Liv," he responded.

"Can you hand me a towel?" She asked.

"Yea here you go," he said throwing one over the top of the shower.

"Thank you," she said wrapping the towel around her and getting out of the shower. She walked back into his room and sat at the end of the bed and stared at the floor.

"Liv, are you okay?" He asked her, but she didn't even move. He didn't know what to do, he walked over to his closet and grabbed one of his t-shirts. He walked back over to her and pulled her up, he took the towel off of her and put his t-shirt on over her. "Come on lets get you to bed," he said picking her up in his arms and walking around to her side of the bed. He laid her down and pulled the blankets up, she just stared at the ceiling. "Liv I am going to make a call I will be right back," he said kissing her forehead and walking out of the room.

He paced the living room with the phone in his hand. He should call George shouldn't he? Or should he call Cragen and tell him? But what could Cragen do? He went with calling George. He sat down on the couch and call George.

"Hi Elliot," George said when he picked up the phone.

"George I," he started but he stopped. "Did you see Olivia today?" He asked.

"For like a moment or two yes," George replied, he didn't know what Elliot knew. Maybe he should tell Elliot. "Hey uh, Elliot, have you talked to Olivia recently?" He asked.

"Actually yes, she has been staying with me, why?" Elliot asked.

"Because she just seemed, uh, off," George said not sure how to explain it.

"What do you mean off? She is in some sort of trance right now, she wont speak and she is just staring into space. And I don't know what to do! George I need help I cant do this on my own!" Elliot pleaded into the phone, as he started to pace the room.

"Elliot, you need to calm down! You freaking out is not going to help her," George said into the phone. "Do you want me to come over?"

"Please? I dont know what to do, she did it again yesterday! And she drank again tonight! How am I suppose to help her?" Elliot asked, almost crying.

"Okay Elliot calm down, text me your adress I will be there soon. Stay calm!" He said hanging up the phone. Elliot texted him his new address then sat on the couch and waited for him.

eoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeo

Haung arrive and knocked on the door, when nobody opened it he decided to give the knob a try and it opened. As soon as he walked into the house he heard somebody gasping for air, then he heard Elliot saying 'its okay, its okay'. He ran to the bed room to see that Olivia was having, what looked like, a panic attack.

"Liv, its going to be okay," Elliot said to her. "You are safe here. Liv you need to breath!" He said.

"I, no, he, wait, stop, I am sorry," she gasped out.

"Elliot tell her its you, she only feels safe when she is around you!" George said.

"Liv, its me Elliot," Elliot said. "You are safe here, with me. I wont let anyone hurt you," he said petting her hair. She took a deep breath and looked up to see Elliot sitting right in front of her.

"El he," she started to say but it turned into a sob and she started to cry. She didn't even notice that George was there.

"Shhh, its okay Liv I got you," he whispered. George sat there and watched as Olivia broke down, it was strange to him. George knew that if Olivia knew he seen her crying she would never trust in him, so he decided to leave the room. He went to the living room and sat on the couch to wait for them.

Half an hour later Elliot came out of the room with a tear soaked shirt, and his eyes were red.

"George, I don't know what to do! Please help me," Elliot said sitting beside him on the couch and burying his face in his hands.

"Elliot, in order to help I need to know what's going on," George said as calmly as he could. Elliot nodded and told George everything that he knew, starting with how he found out to he being drunk tonight. He cried like a baby the whole entire time that he told George the story. When he was done talking, George told him to go and stay with Olivia and not to leave her alone, and that he would be back tomorrow morning.

In all honesty, George didn't know what to do either. This was Olivia, it was still foreign to see her break like that.

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**_I started a new story the other day, and I think that you should read it! I hope it turns out as good as this one! Don't forget to review! :)_**


	19. Chapter 19

_**You guys are great! Amazing actually! Lol, thank you for all of the reviews! I am already working on the next chapter, and can I just say, its gonna be amazing! Well at least I hope so! There is going to be a lot of drama! **_

_**Did any of you watch The Walking Dead last night? Whewww that was some crazy stuff! **_

_**Oh! And if you have time I would greatly appreciate it if you would go and check out the story I just started writing. Its called Tutor, and I am really hoping that it turns out as good as this, if not better!**_

_**So please do not forget to review!**_

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Elliot woke up to the sound of small whimpering, and he realized that they were coming from Olivia who was laying in his arms. "Hey, are you okay?" Elliot asked her softly.

"Hmmm?" She hummed wiping her eyes.

"Are you okay?" Elliot asked rolling her over in his arms so that they were face to face, that's when he seen that her eyes were blood-shot. "Liv, how long have you been awake? How long have you been crying? Why didn't you wake me?" He asked her, he didn't mean to bombard her with a million questions.

"I uh," she started but when she looked into his eyes all she seen was sadness. "Stop," she said pulling out his arms and sitting up.

"What? Liv, I didn't mean to ask you a zillion questions. I just don't want you to be sad, I want to help you but-," he said, but she cut him off.

"No, just stop please," she said, starting to cry again. "I can't, you just. They way that you... when you..." She couldn't get it out. Elliot was so confused.

"Liv, breath. Tell me whats wrong, what did I do?" He asked her, rubbing her back. He still hasn't told her about Haung, how is she going to take it? She took a deep breath, then looked at Elliot.

"Look, I want to tell you. I want to tell you everything, but I can't. When you look at me, you have this sad expression on your face and I just. I can't! It makes me just want to change my mind and tell you that I am okay because I don't want to see you sad," she confessed in one breath. "El, I love you. I love you so much, that's why I don't think that I can tell you. I want to, well no I don't want to but, I think that you need to know. That you deserve to know. El, I just don't know what to do! So much has happened, and honestly I don't think that you are ready to know."

"Liv, I want to know! I need to know, I am sorry that I look at you that way but, I love you and it kills me to see you in so much pain. If I could stop it I would, I would do whatever it took to end this pain for you! I want you to feel safe, I want you to tell me everything! I want to be your safe place! But I can't if I don't know what scares you and what makes you feel safe!" He said, taking her hands in his and looking her dead in the eyes. "Liv, I love you! I love you so very much! More than I think that you will ever know! So please tell me, tell me everything! I will try to keep my facial expressions under control."

Olivia looked at him, should she tell him? There is just so much to tell, where does she start? How does she start? What if he pushes her away!? What would she do then? He was all that she had left! Maybe she should just tell him that she is fine, but she doesn't know if she can handle lying to him any more. Olivia looked him deep in the eye, and knew that what he was saying what true. How would he know how to make her feel safe if he didn't know what scared her. She bit her lip and nodded.

"Okay, I... When I left the other day, right after I talked to Vincent I really did go and talk to Haung. But only for a moment. All I wanted was something to calm my nerves, but he told me no, of course. So I, I uh. I went to the supply closet right outside of the squad room, and I..." she need to tell him! She needed him to know, she looked and seen that it was taking everything in him to control himself!

"I well, I cut, again and, again. And I am so sorry! That was the last time I swear! This will not happen again and its all my fault, you were right! I shouldn't have talked to him! Why cant I ever just listen to you? I-" but he cut her off with a soft kiss to her lips. She couldn't help but relax into the kiss, this man put her at ease.

"Liv, this is not your fault! So you need to stop saying it is," he said when he broke the kiss. "Liv it wasnt like you knew what was going to happen! And I want to know what happened with Vincent but, I want you to take time to prepaid yourself to tell me." He gave her another soft kiss. She nodded, she knew that he wanted to know and after everything that he has done for her, he deserved to know.

"Hey El," she whispered.

"Hmm?" He asked laying her back down on the bed and pulling her into his arms again.

"You would do anything to make my pain go away?" She asked.

"Yes, Liv! I would do any and everything that I possibly could," he said kissing the back of her head. She rolled over in his arms so that she was looking him in the eyes.

"Make love to me," she whispered.

"Liv," he said propping himself up on his forearm so that he was looking down at her. He wasn't sure this was the best idea, was she really ready for this?

"El please, I have never had sex with anyone that I really loved. And I love you, that's what would make me feel safe. Is being with you, please Elliot, take the pain away, please," she pleaded. He looked down at her, he loved her, he did that why he thought this was a bad idea. But she said it's what would make her feel safe, she said that he made her feel safe.

"Liv, are you sure, I really don't want you to feel like I am pushing you! I am happy just sleeping with you. Holding you in my arms," he said, he wanted to be sure that she was ready for this.

"Yes, Elliot! I have never been more sure of anything! Please I love you, so please just take the pain away. Make love me, prove to me that you really love me," she said.

"Liv, sex is not going to prove my love," he said.

"Elliot," she said.

"Yes," he replied.

"Kiss me," she said looking up at him with dreamy eyes.

"Okay," he said still a little unsure. He leaned down and kissed her gently. He wanted everything to be soft, gentle, loving. He wanted her to be sure, he loved her, and he did not want to push her. But if this was the way to take away pain, then he would do everything that he could. She nipped at his bottom lip begging for entry, and when he gave it to her she sighed in content. She didn't know if she could wait any longer tho.

**1ST PERSON:**

I flipped us over, I straddled him while I started to kiss him harder. I have waited for this moment since we met, now it's finally here.

"Liv, I want to go slow. I want this to be memorable!" He said to me when he broke the kiss. I looked down at him, maybe he was right? Maybe we should go slower, I just want to forget and Elliot is one of the few things that could help me forget.

"Okay, Elliot. Make slow passionate love to me," I said rolling off of him and laying back down in my spot.

"Liv, I just want you to know that we don't have to do this. I really don't want to feel like I am pushing you," he tried one last time, but I know that I am ready for this. I have been ready for this forever!

"No El," I said takeing his face in my hands so that he was looking me in the eye, I wanted him to know that I was serious. "I want this, I love you, I want you! Please El?" I sound so pathetic when I beg but I know that if I beg he wont tell me know.

"Okay Olivia," he said to me as he went to kissing me. He was in nothing but his boxers, and I knew that he wasn't going to start this so I did. I pulled my shirt off over my head, and then slid the shorts that I was wearing off, leaving me in nothing but a pair of simple black panties underneath him.

"El," I whispered, I know that he wanted this to go slow but I don't know if I could handle waiting.

"Yes Liv," he said as his eyes were looking down at my body. Most of the cuts had turned into scars and most of the bruises were gone there were barely any left. But I knew that he was still nervous, and I cant help but admit so was I.

"Take off your boxers," I told him. I really wanted him in me, I want to forget everybody, everything. I just want to be here, with him. I knew that he was going to be my best addiction, not that I even had any good addictions. He looked down at him and I knew that he was scared that he was going to hurt me. I knew that was one of the main things that was going through his head.

"Elliot please, I know you feel like you are going to hurt me but you aren't! You are going to be one of the best things that ever happened to me! I need to feel you! I want to forget, El I love you and I know that you love me or else I wouldn't be here right now! So please just... make love to me," I said, I was really hoping that this would give him a piece of mind that I was fine.

He got up off of the bed and for a moment I thought he was going to leave me, but he took off his boxers. God he was huge, was the first thing I thought. He went to the end of the bed and looked up at him and slid his hands up my legs, I took in a sharp breath and leaned my head back and closed my eyes. This was finally going to happen!

I felt his fingers dip into my panties and then I felt them sliding down my legs, I lifted my butt a bit so that it was easier for him to get them down my legs. When I heard the soft sound of them hitting the ground, I actually smiled! I this very moment, I was happy, I am happy! This is finally going to happen! I felt him climb up my body, and when I opened my eyes he was right there. His beautiful, mesmerizing blue eyes looking down at me. 'I love you,' he mother to me. I smiled and mouthed it back, then I leaned up just a bit and our lips touched. It was a soft slow kiss, but full of love.

I felt his hand slide down my body, I gasped when I felt his hand right above my slit. When he slid his finger in between my folds, I bit my lip. I couldn't help the moan that slipped out of my mouth when he inserted a finger in me. He had his eyes lock on mine, as if he was waiting for me to change my mind, but that wasn't going to happen. I want this, I want it bad!

"El," I moaned when he inserted another finger. "I want you babe," I said to him.

"I just want to make sure you are ready, I don't want to hurt you," he said kissing my neck. I nodded.

"I am ready El, please, I need you now," I said. He pulled back from kissing my neck and looked me in the eye as if asking if I were sure, I just leaned up and gave him a small simple peck on the lips. I felt his fingers pull out if me, and I couldn't help the whimper that came from deep in my throat. He makes me turn to mush, anytime that I am round him. I cant help but melt when I feel him looking at me.

I felt his shaft at my entrance and it took everything in me not to buck my hips up against him. I felt his breathing hitch as he started to push into me, I couldn't help but hold my breath. I knew that he wanted this to be slow, but I don't know much longer I can hold everything in. When he was all the way inside up me, I looked up at him and we just looked into eachothers eyes, he wasn't moving, and god I wanted him to so bad.

"El, baby you have to move. I know you want this to be slow, but I can't," I said. He leaned down and captured my lips in his and started to move, I gasped into his mouth when he started to swivel his hips. "Oh god, El," I moaned breaking the kiss.

"Liv, I love you. I love you so much," he said into my ear while kissing my neck.

"I love you to, I love you so very much, El," I said. I didnt even realize that I was crying till I felt the tears on my face, so this is what it felt like? To be loved?

"Baby dont cry, its going to make me cry," Elliot said as he kissed my tears. I smiled and nodded my head, I knew that he was close because I could feel him, as he twitched inside of me. I felt his hand reach between us, I gasped when he started to play with my clit. He was putting me before himself! I love him, I love him so very much.

"Oh god El," I moaned. Before I knew it we were both crying out in pleasure, I bit his shoulder, a little harder than I thought. There was definitely going to be a bruise there later.

When we came down from our highs, he flipped us over so that I was on top of him.

"I love you Liv," he said kissing the top of my head. I ear was on his chest I could hear his heart beat, I felt my speed up as I heard him say it.

"I love you to Elliot, more then words can express," I said, as soon as I finished saying it I felt his heart beat speed up. I couldn't help but grin, he really does love me doesn't he? I sat up a little bit and looked him into the eyes. "I love you, I love so much. Thats why, I am going to quit. I am done, Elliot I want to get better. I want to tell you everything, and you deserve to know everything. And I am very thankful that you didn't tell anyone and that you trusted me to tell you," I said kissing him.

**3RD PERSON:**

As soon as she said that, everything had been coming back to Elliot. He had completely forgot that he call Haung, shit he needed to tell Haung never mind before he got there. Elliot looked over at the clocked beside the bed it was 5:00 am he still had time. But then again, would that count as him lying to her? How were they going to start with honesty if he was lying.

"Okay, Olivia I need to tell you something. You said that you are going to tell me everything, so I need to tell you something. And I don't want you to get mad, because I was scared and you, you just, the look. And your eyes, then you cried, you, you. You were fighting me I, I was so scared Olivia I didn't know what else to do," Elliot stammered. He didn't want Olivia to be mad at him, and honest to god, he was scared. He didn't know what to do! Thats the only reason that he call Haung.

"I know El, I know. I seen him, and I am sorry I didnt mean to scare you," Olivia whispered. She wasn't sure if she really seen George, but now that Elliot said something about it, she knew that she did see him.

"Liv, I don't want you to be mad at me. I was scared, I really was," Elliot said.

"Its okay Elliot, I know, I probably would have done the same thing," Olivia whispered. "Do I have to talk to him?" She asked.

"I want you to. But if you dont want to thats fine," Elliot said looking her in the eyes.

"If I do talk to him will you stay with me, in the room?" She asked, she really didn't want to be alone with a shrink. She knew that George was good and he would get into her head.

"Yes Liv I will be right there," he said kissing her forehead. She smiled and nodded, then laid her head back down on his chest.

They both fell asleep, they had a few more hours to spare. Elliot went to sleep thinking about Olivia and how everything was going to play out. And Olivia went to sleep thinking about, well, everything. She was scared about what was going to happen, she was happy for her and Elliot, she was also thinking how she was going to tell Elliot about Vincent...

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**_So that was kinda long, but you guys want it longer so there you go! Tell me what you thought! Please! And tell me what you think is going to happen! I am excited to hear from you guys. _**

**_And I want to thank The Congressman for the support! I just wanted you to know that you are really great, and I wanted to thank you for all your nice reviews and all the positive words! Its people like you that make other people feel amazing about their selves!  
_**

**_-xoxo Lilly_**


	20. Chapter 20

**_Just a warning, this might be a little... Dark!_**

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Elliot woke up to the sound of his phone ringing, he groaned and then untangled himself from Olivia. They were both still completely naked. He grabbed his phone with a yawn.

"Good morning to you too, Elliot," George said into the phone.

"Yea, sorry," Elliot said standing up, and pulling on his boxers and leaving the room so that he didn't wake up Olivia.

"Elliot what time do you want me to come over?" George asked.

"Uh maybe noon," Elliot suggested.

"Elliot it is noon," George said with a questioning tone. Elliot looked over at his stove clock, to see that is was indeed noon.

"Shit, we are still in bed. But you can come over now if you would like," Elliot said.

"Okay, I will be there soon," George said hanging up.

Elliot walked back into the room to see that Olivia was sitting up, and there were silent tears running down her face.

"Olivia whats wrong?" Elliot asked walking over to the bed and pulling her in his arms. She jumped when she felt him touch her, as if she didn't even know he was there.

"Oh, El, I am sorry! I am so sorry, I just I thought that. El don't ever leave me," she said wrapping her arms around his neck.

"El, I didn't, I was just in the living room talking to George." As soon as he said that he felt her stiffen in his arms. "Liv, I can call and tell him nevermind."

"No, no. This isn't going to go away, I should just go ahead and talk to him. You will be there right?" Olivia asked pulling out of his arms and looking him in the eyes.

"Of course if that's what you want," Elliot confirmed.

"I want you to! No, I need you to!" Olivia said standing up.

"Uh Liv," Elliot said with a gasp, she was completely naked. And acting like it was no big deal.

"Yes, El?" She said with a seductive glance as she was putting on her bra and panties.

"God you are beautiful," he said getting up and walking over to her. He ran his hands up her side slightly brushing her breast, he heard her gasp and then smirked.

"El," she said with a slight moan. She looked him in the eyes and was just about to kiss him when there was a knock on the door. "Maybe you should get that, I will be out in a moment." She gave him a small kiss on the cheek and then went to the bathroom.

Elliot grabbed his pair of sweats off of the floor, and then his t-shirt that was on the floor too, but by the door. Then he went to the living room. He opened the door and greeted Haung.

"She said that she would be out in a moment," Elliot said showing him to the couch.

"Alright, so she said that she was okay with this?" George asked surprised.

"Well she seemed okay but who knows, not me," Elliot said with a sigh. "We promised that we would tell each other everything, and be completely honest with each other, so I really hope she is okay with this. I hope I am not pushing her to hard. Do you think I am?" Elliot asked frightened.

"Elliot, honestly I don't know. I have no idea what has been going on with her. What you told me last night just seems so, I don't know but none of it sounds like Olivia. And we don't even know the whole story," George said. He was about to speak again when Olivia walked into the room.

"Hey George," she said with a small smile. She didn't want him to see her all that weak just yet, so she decided to play it cool. "How are you, do you want something to drink?" Olivia asked, both men were just staring at her. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a simple thin long sleeve t-shirt. She had even done her make up.

Elliot is always amazed how she could change so quickly, she was crying her eyes out not even 10 minutes ago and now here she was smiling and treating George like a house guest.

"No thank you Olivia, I am fine," George said Olivia nodded and smiled again. There was an awkward silence Olivia just stood there, George was looking down at the floor and Elliot was staring at Olivia.

"Okay, can we just start this so that we can finish it?" Olivia asked sitting down in the floor where she was just standing, she leaned back against the wall. She didn't want to sit near George, and she knew if she sat next to Elliot he would touch her and cause her to break down faster.

"Okay Olivia, tell me what you feel like right now at this moment," he asked her. Elliot just sat there and observed he was there for support.

"I feel fine," she said without even thinking.

"Olivia," George said with a small sigh, he knew this was going to be hard.

"Sorry habit, I am actually super freaked out at this very moment. But lets not think about that because if I do I might have a panic attack and that is totally the last think we need to happen right now," she said with a small laugh, even though she was the only one laughing.

"Olivia, I came over last night. And I was wondering if you wanted to tell me what you dreamt about?" George asked.

"Can we maybe hold off on that, it's a super long story and that's really not how I want this to start off at," she said with a pained look on her face.

"Then tell me Olivia, where exactly do you want to start off at?" George asked.

"Why don't we start off with my problem with cutting?" Olivia asked, not making contact with either of them.

"Okay, so Olivia what made you want to cut?" George asked.

"Well I just, I had a really rough night that. I was sitting in my room in the floor at the end of my bed, Michael was in the shower. He had," she started but then decided to change her mind. "We had just finished uh," she cleared her throat. "We had just had sex," she said with a pained face. Should she tell him everything yet? They weren't even talking about that right now, it could wait. She looked up at Elliot to see that face that he was giving her, he knew that wasn't sex. She looked back down at the floor and continued.

"Well as I was sitting there I, I felt like screaming. I wanted to throw things, I wanted to hit things. I needed some type of release. And for some reason, self harming was the first thing that came to mind," she said with a pained expression. "I uh, I went to the kitchen and grabbed the first knife I seen. And I uh, I sunk down to the floor, and I put it down to my leg and drug it across very fast. I didn't even realize that I was doing it, you know? It just happened and after a while I felt nothing, and I just kept doing it over and over again. I just sat in the floor and cried, then Mike he uh, he came in the kitchen and laughed at me then he went to bed."

"About an hour later I, I uh got a call from Elliot saying that we had a case and that I needed to come in so I took a shower, and then went to work. On my way home, I bought a few packages of razors, and sharpeners." When she finished her story she looked up to see a shocked expression on Georges face and Elliot had tears rolling down his face. "But I am so sorry and I didn't mean to do it! And it wont happen again! I promise," she added quickly.

"Elliot please stop crying. Please," she pleaded, she didn't know if she could handle it right now.

"I am sorry, Liv none of this is your fault I just wish that I would have paid attention," he said wiping his face of tears, George just watched as they talked, he loved how they interacted so well together.

"You were going through a divorce," Olivia whispered. She had to admit, she kinda wanted him to find out. She wanted him to save her, but she didn't tell him because she didn't want him to think that it was his fault. "And I didn't want you to know, or else I would have told you."

"Liv, I just should have known something was going on tho," Elliot said.

"Its fine, I'm fine, it's over. George what's next?" She asked turning her head away from Elliot.

"Liv was it," he paused and took a deep breath. "Was it really sex?" He asked her. Olivia looked at Elliot really quick who nodded his head then she turned back to George.

"No it wasn't, he beat me and then he tied me to the bed and he," she paused if she said it, it would be real. She needed to say it tho. "He, uh, he raped me. Over and over and over again," she said without any sign of emotion.

"Olivia why didn't you tell anybody?" He asked her.

"If I did I would have to admit that I couldn't protect myself, that I was the," she paused to inhale deeply. "That I was the victim. And that was the, is the last thing that I want!" She said matter-of-factly.

"Liv how long has this been going on?"

"Two years, I think."

"How did you meet Michael?" He asked her, now he was getting somewhere. Olivia wasn't going to hold anything back, she was going to answer everything that she asked.

"It was through, Vincent," she said with a sigh.

"And who is Vincent?" George asked.

"He is Michael's brother."

"Okay and how did you meet Vincent?" He asked her.

"He was my uh, quick fix?" She said unsure on how to say it.

"What do you mean quick fix?" He asked her.

"Well I was, Elliot was going through a divorce, and I would listen to him. Fin was fighting with his son, and came and talked to me, and then Much kept on asking me dating advice," she said with a snort. "As if I even knew what I was doing! Well any way, Cragen would give us case after case, and I never slept. I simply didn't have time for it so I uh, met Vincent at a bar and he gave me some uh, stuff. Hard stuff you know? And I, I just felt so much better I could go days without sleeping! It was amazing! I felt like god!" She said with a big smile, despite the silent stray tears that were falling down her face.

"Well anyway, I was running low on money and I couldn't just stop. So he offered me the option of, uh, joining his," she stopped talking, should she say that she was one of his sex slaves? Was she a sex slave if she willing slept with them. "I started working for him, he wanted Michael to break me in. And after Michael and I uh, had sex, he decided that he wanted to keep me, and as long as I had sex with him he would have his brother supply me for free, so of course I said okay."

"After a while he stared to get rougher and rougher so I told him that I was done, and then he uh, he threatened to kill Elliot's family if I left him. So of course I stayed," she finished. By then she had a whole lot of tears running down her face, but she didn't acknowledge them.

She looked up to see that Elliot was also crying and George had a very pained look on his face.

"Okay, I can't do this if you are going to cry and you are going to look like I just killed your puppy," she said standing up and pointing to both of them.

George cleared his throat. "Sorry," he said.

"Elliot?" She said in a questioning tone, looking at him. Maybe she said too much?

"I just, I will be right back," he said excusing himself and walking out of the room to the bathroom. That's when she started to cry more.

"What did I just do?" She whispered sliding back down to the floor and pulling her knees to her chest.

"Liv this is not your fault, he is just giving. What you said was a, it was a lot to handle," Haung said from the couch.

"But, he said he would," she started to gasp, she was going to have a panic attack. "He said he would *gasp* never *gasp* leave *gasp* me," she was full on sobbing.

"Liv, you need to breathe," Haung said walking over to her.

"No please don't, don't touch me!" She said standing up and walking to the kitchen.

"Liv, honey what are you doing?" He asked following her.

"I, I, I can't *gasp* he, he left me! *gasp* I scared him!" She said still crying. "I knew this would happen! *gasp* I, I, didn't want to so it. But he said it would be good for us, *gasp*."

"Liv if you don't breathe, you are going to pass out," Haung said trying to stay calm not to panic her.

"I did it! *gasp* I finally scared him away! *gasp* I knew it was going to *gasp* happen!" She was yelling, that's when she heard the bathroom door open. She looked at Haung then to the hall way, Elliot walked into the kitchen and seen them. She seen that's his eyes were red, she made him cry! She looked back and forth between Elliot and Haung, back and forth, back and forth. They just stared at her, nobody said anything. She was breathing hard she was backing away from them till her back hit the fridge, they both started to walk over to her. Then all of a sudden they were both Vincent and Michael.

"You shot me!" Michael shouted, Olivia flinched.

"I didn't mean to!" She said clutching her chest.

"You ratted me out!" Vincent shouted, also causing Olivia to flinch.

"This is all your fault!" They both shouted walking over to her. Michael pulled out a knife, and then locked eyes with

Olivia. She slid down to the floor and cried and held her chest.

"Whats wrong?" Michael asked with a smile.

"Yea, Bait? Are you okay?" Vincent asked her. She shook her head back and forth.

"It's only going to hurt," Michael started, but Vincent finished for him.

"A lot!" And with that Michael plunged the knife into Olivia stomach as she cried out in pain, Vincent punched her across the face. Everything went black for Olivia.

* * *

**_Tell me what you think is going to happen! Is Olivia going to be okay? _**


	21. Chapter 21

_**Sorry this is so short but a lot has been going on, I havent really had time to type! But I promise that I will work some more!**_

* * *

Olivia woke up to the sound of beeping monitors, she groaned, she had the worlds worst head ache.

"Liv," Elliot whispered grabbing her hand in his, when he heard her groan.

"Where are we?" She asked, she still hadn't opened her eyes.

"We are in the hospital," Elliot said. At that moment the beeping to start to go faster and her eyes popped open.

"Why?" She asked, she couldn't think for some reason.

"Well you had a panic attack and hit the floor pretty hard, and George was with us and he said we needed to take you to the hospital," Elliot said. "You need to calm down tho, you are going to have another panic attack."

"Yea, sorry," she said with a long sigh, she had just then remembered what happened.

"Liv its not your fault I promised I wouldn't leave you and I left you," Elliot said kissing her hand. "Liv before you blacked out you kept on grabbing your chest and saying no and that you were sorry, and that it wasn't your fault. What happened?" He asked her, he wasn't sure if he was pushing her or not.

"Well we are being honest, I don't know what happened. They just, they showed up, both of them! And he stabbed me I don't know how but it, it just felt so real," she whispered, the beeping started to increase.

"Okay, Liv, calm down," he said petting her hair. She nodded, and smiled at his actions.

"El, I am sorry that I made you cry," she said.

"Liv, thats not your fault either! Stop apologizing," he said kissing her forehead.

"Sorry," she said without thinking. "Sor-, nevermind," she said.

"Thank you," he said with a smile. "Look your heart rate is going down," he said.

"Yes, it is," she said with a smile. Elliot gave her a wicked smile, and his hand slid out of hers and started to slide down her body. Before he even reached her waist the beeping went up. "What are you doing?" She asked in a harsh whisper, even tho on the inside she was smiling.

"Nothing Liv, calm down," he said sliding his hand under the blankets. The beeping got stronger. "Liv that is not calming down," he said looking at her with a smirk.

"Sorry, but I can't calm down when you are doing that!" She said grabbing his hand and stopping him before anything happened.

Elliot chuckled but stopped his actions, thankful because not even a second later the door opened and a nurse walked in.

"How are we doing?" She asked Olivia.

"Fine," Olivia said.

"Liv," Elliot said with a sigh.

"Okay, fine! I am in pain! My head hurts, I am confused as to what is happening! I don't know what to do! And sitting in this god damn hospital is not helping me at all!" Olivia said, Elliot and the doctor just stared at her. After a few moments Olivia spoke up again. "I am ready to go," Olivia said getting up. "So just tell me whats wrong with me so that I can get on with my life! Because I things I need to do! I need to get my life together, and not just for myself. But because thats what everyone wants! And if thats what they want then fine! So give me the news then the papers! I am done with hospitals!" Olivia said sliding on her jeans and putting on her t-shirt as if no one was in the room with her.

"Well I was going to tell you that you need to take it easy, and that you need to start eating! When was the last time that you ate?" The doctor asked her. Olivia just stared at him, when was the last time that she ate? Dammit this was harder then she thought, thats what she forgot to do, eat.

"Liv?" Elliot said when she didn't reply.

"I uh, I don't remember but I am hungry so lets go eat. Like right now!" Olivia said walking out of the room. She needed to get herself together.

"Thank you," Elliot said shaking the doctors hand. The doctor nodded, and watched as both of them walked out of the room.

When he got outside he looked for Olivia to see that she was signing what looked like discharge papers.

"Thanks," Olivia said with a smile, then looked over at Elliot. "Well lets go!" She said in a happy voice grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the door.

"Where do you want to go?" Elliot asked her.

"Anywhere! Lets go anywhere!" Olivia said as they got in the car.

"Okay," Elliot said with a smile, he was excited to see that Olivia was happy. "How about we go and pick up Lizzie and Dickie and go to the mall?" Elliot asked her.

"That sounds wonderful!" Olivia said, Elliot laughed and drove to Kathleens place.

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"Hey Liv," Lizzie said getting in the car. "Whats going on?" She asked her father.

"Yea?" Dickie asked as well.

"We are going to the mall!" Olivia said.

"Really!?" Lizzie asked.

"Yes really!" Olivia said with a smile.

"Dad?" Dickie asked.

"Yes son?" Elliot replied.

"Are we really going to go to the mall?" Dickie asked in disbelief.

"Yes we are Liv is hungry and, I am pretty sure that your sister needs some new cloths!" Elliot said.

"Hey! Whats that suppose to mean?" Lizzie asked.

"Oh nothing dear, are we ready to go?" He asked starting up his car.

"We are," they said.

"Well lets go and have some fun!" Elliot said pulling out of the parking lot.

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"That was actually more fun then I thought it would be!" Dickie said flopping down on Elliots couch.

"Yea! We have to do that more often!" Lizzie exclaimed, sitting down next to Elliot.

"That is a definitely!" Olivia said sitting down beside Lizzie.

"Omg that trip was just to die for!" Elliot said in a girl voice, flopping down on all three of them on the couch. Everyone started to groan.

"Dad! Geeze!" Lizzie whined.

"Yea you are like that size of a cow!" Dickie said. Olivia, Dickie, and Lizzie looked at eachother then they all shoved him into the floor. When he hit the floor everyone one started to laugh, even Elliot.

"I am so tired!" Olivia said.

"Me too!" Dickie and Lizzie said at the same time.

"Twins," Elliot said with a sigh, Olivia nodded agreeing with him.

"What do you mean twins?" Dickie asked.

"Yea, you two say the same thing as each other all the time!" Lizzie said.

"We do not!" They both said, both of the kids looked at them with knowing smirks.

"That doesn't count!" They both defend themselves, Lizzie and Dickie started to laugh.

"Stop it!" Elliot and Olivia said looking at eachother.

"El," Olivia said at the same time that Elliot said "Liv."

"Okay stop it!" Lizzie said.

"Okay," Olivia and Elliot said at the same time again, everyone started laughing.

"I am going to bed!" Olivia said standing up.

"Alright goodnight Liv," Lizzie said.

"Goodnight sweetie," Olivia said kissing her forehead.

"I don't get a kiss?" Dickie asked with a smirk.

"Well you want a kiss for a different reason!" Olivia said with a small smile, Dickie started to blush. "But since you asked, okay!" Olivia said kissing his forehead, then she looked over at Elliot who looked angry. "El," she said to him.

"What?" He asked not taking his eyes off of his son. She went over to where he was sitting in the floor and kneeled down infront of him and took his chin in her hand and turned him so that he was facing her.

"I love you," she said kissing him. "Now come to bed with me," she said standing up and holding her hand out.

"Yes mam!" Elliot said standing up, he looked over at Dickie to see that his expression had changed. He looked okay with it like he was finally comprehending that Olivia is Elliots.

* * *

**_So do you think that Olivia is going to get better? Please review! _**


	22. Chapter 22

_**Thank you for the reviews!**_

* * *

*2 WEEKS LATER*

"Hey, Liv," Elliot said looking up over her his desk.

"Hmm?" She replied not looking up from her work, she was on desk duty for a month. But at least she got to work.

"Lizzie left school early, the teacher said that some kids were picking on her and so she just left," Elliot said, this got Olivias attention there was no telling what Lizzie could do.

"I will go and find her, don't worry, you stay here and work," Olivia said standing up and grabbing her things.

"Hey Liv, I can go," Elliot said standing up.

"No!" She said a little louder then she thought. "No, I mean, it helps to have a girl help when this happens. Don't worry I got it!" Olivia said walking out.

"What was that all about?" Fin asked Elliot.

"I don't I am going to finish this file then I am going to see what is going on," Elliot said getting back to work.

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"Lizzie!" Olivia called as soon as she walked into the house. She threw all her things down on the floor and ran to all the rooms. When she got to the bathroom it was locked.

"Lizzie sweetie open the door, please," Olivia called knocking on the door.

"No," Lizzie said back.

"Lizzie please just open the door, its going to be alright. Just open the door," Olivia said.

"No, please just go," Lizzie cried.

"I will knock this door down," Olivia said.

"Liv, just go away!" Lizzie yelled.

"Lizzie I am not leaving you!" Olivia said, she stepped back and gave the door on good kick and it flew open. To reveal a bloody, crying Lizzie. "Oh sweetie," Olivia said going over to the sink and wetting a rag.

"I told you to leave!" Lizzie yelled.

"Well I am not going to," Olivia said walking over to her, she seen the knife that she assumed Lizzie used to cut her sitting beside her on the floor. She knew that getting it was going to be hard, she put the rag down. "Lizzie, honey, give me the knife."

"No," Lizzie said picking it back up. "Do you ever miss it?"

"Miss what sweetie?" Olivia asked slowly walking over to her.

"The cut, the release," Lizzie said playing with the knife.

"Lizzie, just give me the knife," Olivia tried again, the last thing that she wanted to do was talk about her.

"I know you miss it, you know you do. You say you are fine but I know you aren't," Lizzie said looking at Olivia.

"Lizzie, come one. Don't do this," Olivia said with a sigh.

"Its already done," Lizzie said. "You want the knife, here," she said throwing it to her. Olivia picked it up, and soon as it was in her hands Elliot walked into the bathroom.

"Oh Lizzie!" Elliot said running over to her, he grabbed a towel off the back of his toilet and pressed it to his daughters leg. "What the hell happened?" Elliot asked.

"When I got here she was in here, and I got a rag wet. Then I got the knife from her, and I, then you got here," Olivia said really fast.

"Get out!" He said to her.

"What?" Olivia said.

"I said get out! This is your fault! My daughter never would have done this if it weren't for you! Now get out!" Elliot shouted, Olivia stepped backwards out of the bathroom. "Go!" He shouted and with that she left.

"Why did you make her leave?" Lizzie asked stunned.

"Look at you! Look at what happened!" Elliot said. "Look at you, you are bleeding! From cuts you inflicted!" Elliot said holding the towel down on her leg.

"Dad I have been-," she started but Elliot cut her off.

"Don't move I am going to go and get my phone so I can call an ambulance," Elliot said running to the kitchen where his phone was. He grabbed it and called them and told them what happened.

"Dad!" Lizzie called.

"What honey?" Elliot asked running back into the room.

"I am fine!" Lizzie said.

"Exactly like her! Well this isn't going to happen again! I couldn't make her go to make her go to the hospital, you I can make!" Elliot said lifting her up in his arms.

"Daddy!" Lizzie whined.

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"Hey baby-girl, what are you doing here? I thought you were helping out with Stablers kid?" Fin asked when he seen her walk back in, when she didn't reply he looked at her again to see that she looked really pale. And did she have blood on her hands? "Liv?" He said, she didn't even look at him she walked straight to the cribs.

Fin watched her go, then he went to Cragens to see him sitting in his desk.

"Yea Fin?" He asked not looking up from his desk.

"I think something is wrong with Olivia," Fin said, this got Cragens attention.

"What do you mean? Where is she what's wrong?" Cragen asked standing up.

"She just walked in, she looked super pale. And I think that she had blood on her hand," Fin said, as soon as the words left his mouth Cragen ran out of his office. "She is in the cribs."

"Where is she?" Cragen asked running past him.

"Cribs," Fin said.

Cragen took off running to the cribs, when he got there it was dark and he heard her crying. He turned on the light to see her sitting in the corner of one of the beds crying.

"Liv, are you okay?" He asked her, she looked up at him and wiped her eyes, and then stood up.

"What yea, no! I am fine, uh what are you doing in here?" She asked, she didn't know what to ask.

"Liv whats wrong?" Cragen asked walking over to her, but she stepped back, causing him to stop. She knew that if someone would break down.

"Nothing, can I uh, have some time off?" She asked him.

"Liv," Cragen said, he had no idea what was going on.

"Please just like a week or so," she pleaded with him, she couldn't stay here a moment longer.

"Well I don't want you to be alone," Cragen said honestly.

"I wont be don't worry, I will be with Elliot," she said lieing right through her teeth.

"Well then yea, take all the time that you need," Cragen said. He knew one thing for sure that if she was still staying with Elliot he could get to her and see whats going on.

"Don't tell Elliot tho, I want it to be a surprise," she said.

"Okay, sure Liv. Are you heading out now or are you going to finish the day?" He asked her.

"I think I am going to go ahead and head out now, I mean its already getting late so why not?" She asked putting on a smile and shrugging her shoulders.

"Okay, call me if you need anything. And I mean anything Olivia don't hesitate to call me," he said.

"If I need you I will don't worry," she said. "Well I will see you later, bye Captain." And then she left leaving Cragen super confused but relieved that she was taking time off to spend with Elliot.

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"So what was wrong with baby-girl?" Fin asked when he seen his captain come down the stairs.

"She said that she wanted time off to spend with Elliot," Cragen said with a questioning face.

"So whats the big deal?" Fin asked.

"She was crying when I got up there and I had a strange feeling that she was lying to me. But I didn't question her because I didn't want to push her over the edge, at least she will be staying with Elliot," Cragen said walking into his office.

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*NEXT DAY*

"Good morning, where is Olivia I need to talk to her and its super important," Elliot said walking into the bullpen.

"What do you mean where is Olivia she told cap she was talking time off to spend with you," Fin said giving him a strange look.

"Are you sure?" Elliot asked running to Cragen's office.

"Yea, thats what she said," Fin said getting worried.

"Captain!" Elliot yelled not bothering to knock, and barding into his office.

"Elliot what are you doing here I thought you would want time off since Olivia did?" Cragen asked.

"I didnt know she took time off, I havent talked to her since yesterday when I yelled at her," Elliot said getting worried, why did he half to blame her?

"Thats why she was crying, what the hell did you say to her?!" Cragen yelled.

"Lizzie cut herself, bad. I blamed Olivia and said that Lizzie would never do this to herself if it wasn't for her. Lizzie told me that she had been doing this before she even knew about Olivia. I stayed with Lizzie in the hospital last night," Elliot said. "I don't know what I was thinking I never should have said that to her, I was just overthinking everything. Cap I am going to go and look for her, stay here and if I call saying I can't find her send Fin out," Elliot said running out of Cragen's office.

Elliot went home to see if she ever showed up, but the house looked the same, so the next place he went was her place. He knocked on the door, she didn't answer, he beat on the door, and she still didnt answer. He was just about to use his key on the door, when it opened revealing a tall man wearing nothing but a sheet around him.

"Who the hell are you?" The man asked Elliot.

"What the fuck? What do you mean who am I? Who the fuck are you?" Elliot asked, why was there some man in Olivia's apartment?

"I'm Eddy," Eddy said sticking out his hand.

"Why are you at Olivia's place?" Elliot asked.

"Olivia? She told me her name was Ally? Hmm," Eddy said looking like he was thinking really hard.

"Get the fuck out!" Elliot said walking in and shoving Eddy out, and then shutting the door and locking it. Elliot walked through her house to see a trail of clothing and a whole lot of bottles of alcohol. "Liv," he whispered when he approached her bedroom. "Olivia," he tried again. He walked into her room and turned on the light to see that she was asleep with a pillow on her face. "Olivia," he said walking over to her.

"Is he gone?" She whispered from underneath the pillow.

"What?" Elliot asked confused.

"I asked if he was gone?" Olivia said again but pulling the pillow off of her face.

"Yea I kicked him out, who is he?" Elliot asked.

"I don't know I think his name was Ed or Edward," she said getting out of the bed naked and grabbing her robe.

"You slept with a man, and you don't even know his name?" Elliot shouted. As soon as he did she covered her ears.

"Could you keep it down? Ever heard of a hangover?" She asked walking out of the room.

"Olivia what did you do?" He asked following her.

"I took a few days off," she said, making coffee.

"Thats not what I am talking about, right now. Why did you sleep with him?" Elliot asked.

"He told me I was pretty," Olivia said laughing really quick remembering how everything went down.

"You slept with him just because he told you that you were pretty?" Elliot asked astonished.

"Uh yea," she said as if it were a no brainer. "Oh fuck I forgot, how is Lizzie?" She asked him.

"She is going to be okay," Elliot said.

"Thank god, I never got to find out what set her off," Olivia said starting to think. "So you said that she went home because people were picking on her? I wonder what they said. Did you ask her? Are you sure she is okay? I mean what did she say? You know when you asked her if she was okay," Olivia said, she was really worrying about Lizzie.

"She said that she was okay for now, but then she explained everything to me. Olivia I didnt mean to blame you, I know it wasent your fault I just could blame her and I didn't want to blame myself! Olivia I am so sorry," Elliot pleaded.

"Wait, what exactly did she tell you? Did she tell you about everything that happened with Kathy?" Olivia asked, grabbing a bottle of advil and dumping a good six pills in her hand and taking them down with a long drink of coffee.

"What the hell are you doing?" Elliot asked going over and taking the coffee out of her hand and the bottle of pills.

"What? I have a head ache!" She said going to grab her drink but he stopped her.

"You need to puke those up! Like right now!" He said.

"What!? Why? I am fine, chill damn! Give me my drink," she said.

"No Olivia you spit those out or we will go to the emergency room!" Elliot said, she looked at him with disbelief. Then she walked over to the sink and stuck her fingers in the back of her throat and eventually threw up the pills and all the alcohol that she drank last night. Then she was just dry heaving. "Liv, stop."

She stood up and grabbed a rag and cleaned her mouth, then walked over to the fridge pulled out a bottle of water. Took a long drink and then glared at Elliot then walked to her bedroom door and slammed it, then she got into bed and covered her face with the pillow.

"Liv, I am sorry," Elliot said through the door. "Liv I am coming in," he said turning the door knob, and slowly walking in. He looked at the bed to see that it had indeed been used, he just couldn't get over the fact that she had slept with someone. He only turned her away on night, he shouldn't have turned her in away in the first place. He sighed and sat at the end of the bed. He was just about to start talking when something caught his eyes, on her bedside table was her small tin box that she held all of her blades in.

"I know what you are thinking," Olivia said peeking out from under the pillow, she grabbed the box and sat up. "I was going to but, I just couldn't," she said with a long sigh.

"That is a good thing Olivia," Elliot said going to take the box out of her hands, but she didn't let him.

"I came here, I sat on my bed and grabbed the box. I pulled out my favorite one and I was just about to cut, when all I seen was Lizzie crying on your bathroom floor. Or all I seen was you yelling at me and I, I, I guess it really was my fault," she said looking down at the box. "I didnt even realize that what I was doing was taking attention away from your kids, Lizzie needed comfort. And I am not her mother, or her father, and since her mother was an abusive whore. The only thing that I was doing was taking her away from you. And I am sorry I will be able to express how sorry I really am, El it is my fault. Her mom never would have hurt her if it wasn't for me!" She had silent tears rolling down her face, she didn't even realize that she had open the box.

"El and she told me to talk to her, she said that she knew what I was going through. So I did, I don't know what I was thinking, I told her how I managed to hide it from you and the squad. I practically gave her a how to, on how to hide your problems! She is a little girl what the hell was I thinking? I am so sorry Elliot," she said crying, she had a blade in her hand and didn't even realize that she had actually started to cut into skin till Elliot said something.

"Oh Liv," he said taking the blade out of her hand, and putting in back into the box, then taking the box.

"I'm sorry, please just tell her that I am sorry, I'm so sorry," she said crying and bowing her head.

"This is not your fault, its mine. Talk to me Olivia, what happened yesterday after I yelled at you," he said, he hated to admit this but it was his fault.

* * *

**_Please review! Tell me what you think happened with Olivia? Who is this Eddy? How did they meet? Is he the only one that she met?_**


	23. Chapter 23

"Elliot, it's fine. You don't have to act like you care," Olivia said walking to the bathroom and cleaning the blood off of her hands.

"Act like I? Olivia I love you, just because I got angry for a moment does not mean that I ever stopped. I will always love you, so sit down and tell me what happened yesterday," Elliot said patting the bed next to him. She looked at him but then did as he did and sat down beside him, she let out a long sigh before telling him.

"I went to the squad room, Cragen came in and talked to me. I told him that I wanted time off but he said that he didn't want me to be alone, so I told him that I was with you and that I was going to surprise you. I am sorry," she said looking down.

"It's okay Olivia continue," he said rubbing her back.

"I came here and I put on some slutty outfit and I uh, I called Eddy," she said with a sigh.

"Who is Eddy?" Elliot asked, he thought that she didn't know his but by the way that she had said it he knew that she knew him.

"While I was working for Vincent, I uh, met him. Without Mike knowing of course, he would have killed me. But I didn't want Mike to know about all the things I was buying, so I had to find a way to make my own money. So I told Vincent and he let me keep working and Eddy was one of the other people who I would sleep with, he gave me good money," she said with a pained face. "God I am such a slut, but you just don't understand once you start you just, you just cant stop!" She said standing up.

"Olivia calm down you are not a slut," Elliot said trying to calm her down.

"I am tho, because after Eddy was Mark, then Sonny, then Rick, and then I don't know I forget! Thats how big of a slut I am! I don't even remember the people who I was with!" She said. "Anyway Eddy came over and I uh," she paused not wanting to explain this part. "Anyway when we were done he gave me some money, I thought he was going to leave but he didn't he got back in bed. I had no idea what he was doing because this was not part of any of the deals! But I didn't say anything because he would get mad!" She said. "He went to bed, and I took a shower then I went to the kitchen and drank every ounce of liquor that I had. Then I sat in the bathroom and stared at my box, but like I said I couldn't do it! I have no idea what is wrong with me! What am I going to do?" She asked crying and sliding down the wall.

"Liv," Elliot said walking over and sitting on the floor beside her, he pulled her into his arms and held her while she cried.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what to do anymore! What the fuck is wrong with me?! I can't function properly!" She said full on sobbing.

"Olivia, you are improving! Look how open you are to me! You didn't cut yourself even tho you wanted to! Maybe you are finding other way of coping, and maybe that aren't the best, but even if you don't see it you are improving," he said rubbing her back.

"No I'm not! I don't want to do this anymore! I don't want to feel like this anymore. Elliot," she said looking up at him her face covered in tears. "I can't do this anymore! There is no point to go through life living like this!" She said.

"Liv don't say that, I am here I am your point!" He said.

"Elliot," Olivia said with a sigh "I can't do this," she said again.

"Lets go and see Lizzie, maybe that will make you feel better," he said standing up and pulling her up with him.

"El she doesn't want to see me, I don't want to see me," she said with a sigh leaning against the wall.

"She wants to see you Olivia right now you are the only person that she wants to see," he said.

"Maybe later, I am tired I am going to bed," she said.

"Lets go to my place," he said.

"No that's okay, I just want to be alone. You go and see Lizzie," she said.

"No Olivia I am not leaving you alone," he said looking her in the eyes.

"That would be a wise choice," she said with a slight chuckle. "But you need to go and see your daughter she is more important than I am," Olivia said looking at him.

"You are equally important, and if I have to leave then I am calling someone to come over and watch you or you are going to come with me," he said.

"Fine I will go with you but I as soon as we get to your place I am going to bed!" She said walking out of the room.

"Okay," he said following her.

The whole entire ride to Elliot's was silent, and as soon as they got there she got out of the car and walked into his house. She went straight to his room and got in the bed.

"Liv do you need anything? Water? You need food I know for a fact you haven't eaten in a while," he said standing at the end of the bed.

"Whatever," she groaned.

"I will make you something to eat," he said leaving the room, but leaving the door open.

Elliot went to the living room and started to cook soup, and then he called Cragen.

"Cragen," Cragen said as soon as he answered the phone.

"Is Olivia's gun and badge in her desk?" Elliot asked.

"Let me check," Cragen said walking over to her desk to look in it, he seen her gun and badge. "Yes it is," he said. He heard Elliot sigh. "Why?"

"Because I think," he paused how does someone even put something like this? "She said that she couldn't take living like this anymore, and I think, I think that she was going to kill herself. Or that she possibly could," Elliot said.

"It's that bad? Its only been one night! Why the fuck did you even have to yell at her! She was getting better! She was becoming Olivia!" Cragen yelled into the phone.

"I don't know what I was thinking," Elliot said, he knew this was his fault.

"Sorry," Cragen said with a sigh. "This isn't your fault, this isn't anyones fault. She just," he said to take a deep breath. "You are taking time off to stay with her right? Or is she staying with you?" Cragen asked.

"She is staying with me, and yes can I take time off? Or we can rotate watch on her, but I don't think that would do her any good," Elliot said trying to think of all the things that they could do to make her feel better, to feel safer.

"No you just take time off I have everything covered here," Cragen said.

"Alright thank you captain," Elliot's said.

"Yea no problem, just take care of our Liv, bring her back Elliot," Cragen said hanging up the phone.

Elliot let out a long sigh, and put all of her food on a plate and started walking towards the room. When he got there he got worried when Olivia wasn't in the bed, he put the plate down on the bed.

"Olivia?!" He yelled running from room to room, he couldn't find her. Finally he passed the bathroom to see her in the floor with a towel cleaning the dried blood off the floor, he never got around to do that because he stayed at the hospital with Lizzie. "Liv," he whispered.

"It's everywhere," she said looking up at him, he could tell that she was crying. "I didn't even realize that it was this bad," she said walking over to the bathtub to ring out the towel.

"Olivia I was going to do this," he said taking the towel out of her hand.

"Well I am, so you don't have to. This is your daughters blood, nobody should have to clean that off of the floor," she said sighing and takeing the towel away from him again. "I have this under control," she said getting back on her hands and knees to work on cleaning.

"Olivia you really don't have to," Elliot said sitting on toilet watching her.

"El it is fine, just go and do whatever you were doing, I am fine. Go and see your daughter," Olivia said ringing the towel out again, the returning back to cleaning the bloody floor.

"Olivia Lizzie is fine, I talked to her and we talked like really talked. My mom is with her, they are catching up. Dickie is with her too, she is fine," he said.

"If you are so sure," Olivia said ringing out the towel once more before walking to the kitchen and throwing it away. "See I am done, it was that easy," she said he tilted her head to look in her eyes and he knew that was she was saying was not matching her emotions. That was not easy for her at all.

"Liv," he said with a sigh.

"I'm fine," she said walking past him. "I am just tired, I am going to bed," she said walking back to his room, she grabbed the plate of food off of the bed and set it on his dresser.

"You need to eat," Elliot said from the doorway.

"I'm not hungry I will later," she said getting into the bed and covering up. "Its cold in here," she said putting the pillow over her face. Elliot frowned and looked at the thermostat to see that it was almost 80 degrees, it wasn't cold at all in here.

"Olivia are you sure that you are okay?" He asked her again.

"I told you I am just tired," she said, she was almost asleep.

"Okay," he said getting into bed with her.

"What are you doing?" She asked when she felt him get into the bed.

"Well if you are tired I am going to lay here with you, and I know if makes you feel better to sleep in my arms. And to be honest it makes me feel better," he said pulling her into his arms. She sighed in content and drifted off to sleep land, not wanting to have to face the day anymore.


End file.
